Facts About Chuck Norris

2394 Views 36 Replies 22 Participants Last post by dr_nick22, Feb 18, 2006

Haegr

Discussion Starter · Feb 3, 2006

Chuck Norris is god!

Chuck Norris, like dogs, can smell fear.
Everytime you litter, Chuck Norris cries, then he'll roundhouse kick your grandma.
When Chuck Norris poops, it causes mud slides in Mexico.
If Superman and the Flash were to race to the egde of space you know who would win:
Chuck Norris.
Oil prices only go up when Chuck Norris is thirsty.
Chuck Norris doesnt step on toes, he steps on necks.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris uses live rounds on the set.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once lined up in the shotgun-formation, only to be narrowly sacked by the opposing defensive end, Chuck Norris. Never the less, after throwing the Hail-Chuck Norris to All-Pro Wideout, Chuck Norris, notorious steroid using Cornerback, Chuck Norris, out of the Universit of Chuck Norris located in Walker, Texas, intercepted the football. John Madden was so confused, he ate Al Michaels.
The pinball wizard is deaf, dumb and blind because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the **** out of him.
Chuck Norris never lost his virginity because he was born without one.
Michael Jackson got a deformed face after Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him just to answer "who was bad".
A waiter asked Chuck Norris what he would be eating that night. Chuck Norris replied "Do you serve souls?" The waiter merely chuckled, then every patron and employee in the restaurant simultaneously hung themselves.
Chuck Norris wore jeans so tight his wife became sterile.
The very first CSI was going to be titled "CSI: Chuck Norris", but there was no crime scenes and no investigating. Just Chuck Norris kicking ass and being totally awsome. So they renamed it Walker, TR.

Enjoy!!!

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ozzfan

· #2 · Feb 3, 2006

I love these facts, seen them before and its still funny.

I think another one was:

"Chuck Noris is going to sue NBC over copyright issues due to the programme "Law and Order", which are the names of his left and right legs respectivly."

:lol:

Vindkall

· #3 · Feb 3, 2006

The funny part with quoting stuff from 4q.cc is?
Really show you're sources when you pick stuff from other sites, people might think that you thought about those facts yourself.

H0urg1ass

· #4 · Feb 3, 2006

Whoa, take it easy there Vindy. If you've ever been on the internet even once in the past six months, then you know about the Chuck Norris site. I'm pretty sure everyone knew he wasn't claming them for his own.

BobaHat

· #5 · Feb 3, 2006 (Edited)

And a few more of them from the site...

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When Chuck Norris goes to sleep he has the night light on. Not because Chuck Norris is a afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

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chemicalcaveman

· #6 · Feb 3, 2006

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one..................

Vindkall

· #7 · Feb 3, 2006

H0urg1ass said:
Whoa, take it easy there Vindy. If you've ever been on the internet even once in the past six months, then you know about the Chuck Norris site. I'm pretty sure everyone knew he wasn't claming them for his own.

I don't have anything against that he post the facts, just that it annoys me when people take stuff from other sites and don't give the creators cred for it.

Sir Theobold the Lame

· #8 · Feb 3, 2006

they are funny, i love stuff like that. Has everyone checked out the realabsolutepower.net site- real facts about ninjas!! such as:

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

H0urg1ass

· #9 · Feb 3, 2006

Well, it's kind of difficult to give the creators credit for it when they are facts that have been anonymously submitted by visitors. lol

IamJasonK

· #10 · Feb 3, 2006

Everybody who loves these needs to see Chuck Norris' recent statement on his website about them.

dr_nick22

· #11 · Feb 4, 2006

Can you give the URL to the site? Or is that not allowed?

The_Outsider

· #12 · Feb 4, 2006

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ This is another site with the facts on (not 4q.cc) as thay are easier to read IMO (but the facts are all the same).

Haegr

Discussion Starter · #13 · Feb 4, 2006

Vindkall said:
I don't have anything against that he post the facts, just that it annoys me when people take stuff from other sites and don't give the creators cred for it.

Hey Vindkall, take it easy. Its just a bit of fun. If you take things too seriously Chuck Norris may just roundhouse kick you.:yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

Just remember, "If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death".:ninja: :ninja:

Cheers Bobahat, for the above Chuck Norris Fact.

Fallout

· #14 · Feb 5, 2006

There is no god, there is mearly Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris once killed 182 pepople with 6 bullets.

Every day chuck norris randomly picks one lucky birthday kid to be roundhouse kicked to the sun.

Chuck Norris pisses yager.

Xiahou Dun

· #15 · Feb 5, 2006

IamJasonK said:
Everybody who loves these needs to see Chuck Norris' recent statement on his website about them.

Is this the "hey that's nice, I'm going to use this attention to shamelessly plug my stupid cowboy book" statement?

Fallout

· #16 · Feb 5, 2006

Chuck Norris, is the 21 centuruy Jesus.

dr_nick22

· #17 · Feb 5, 2006 (Edited)

Xiahou Dun said:
Is this the "hey that's nice, I'm going to use this attention to shamelessly plug my stupid cowboy book" statement?

What exactly was his statement? Can you post it, or post a link to it?

EDIT: And also: What's the last thing that goes through someone's head when they get roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris? His Shoe.

Caluin

· #18 · Feb 5, 2006

dr_nick22 said:
What exactly was his statement? Can you post it, or post a link to it?

Google is your friend.

Though, now I have to find a new sig - I shoved the link in there a few days ago, but it seems to have played itself out.

Xiahou Dun

· #19 · Feb 5, 2006

"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, Against All Odds? They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, The Justice Riders, released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."

That was his statement.

edit: curse you Caluuuuin!!!

dr_nick22

· #20 · Feb 5, 2006

Ha, that's blatant self-advertising on his part. Well, at least you know he likes them, otherwise he would have round-house kicked everyone who made them up.

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