If a girl dislikes it, then technically, she's disliking a part of you. If she really hates it, it's not like it's hard to not talk about it and to just move it away somewhere. Just get to know her, if you get along really well, then tell her. I'm in the same thing as you. I just don't mention it, they know, but we never talk about it. I have friends at school who I talk to about it, but never mention it when others are around.
So yea, I'd probably just not talk about it, and move it out of the way. seems the best option, or find a girl who likes you for you, if she doesn't like it.
Well, telling her would be better than letting her find out for herself. Honesty is always good. Try to lean a conversation towards it. Maybe ask about her hobbies? Stuff she does to pass time? then maybe hint towards it. Of course that's just me. You could just come out and say it
Trust me, personal experience that just saying how you feel about something can be very good
Well at the moment were are just acting as friends but i think we both know we secretly like each other i mean I'm trying to be as nice as i can. Let her borrow a pen,share a textbook,put her forward in the lunch queue then she'd always smile at me and then quickly hide it, i think shes hiding something aswell but heh?
This old problem. Sorry but i've always found this one a little bit funny.
I've not told her until she's found out, either by accident or however. The reaction i've had has been the same both times. They think its a little silly, but there not really bothered as it hasn't affected the relationship at all, and they barely noticed anyway. As long as you're not making them hear about it they dont really mind. Its not like they have to know every detail of your life. Also, if they've been with you a while, and there that shallow to break up with you over something you do in your spare time then they're a bit silly in my opinion.
You can quite happily have both. Life is for living.
On the whole keeping it quiet cause you'll get bullied issue. Just keep it quiet. Who's going to come spy on you while you're painting and gaming? no one has to know and what is it to them anyway what you do in your spare time,? If they confront you about it ask them why theyre so interested in you? it'll make them stop the questions sharpish....
I'm inclined to agree here. Seriously, I thought this was a resurrection of an old thread with this exact title.
Anyway, I think it would be redundant telling you to advise her of how you spend your free time as you seem set on it anyway (And so, choir, this is why God's love is eternal...). So I'll impart my experience on you, the young padawan, not the first time I've said this admittedly .
What other people think of you, particularly in school, can be really overrated. That said, don't make a huge deal of it. If you keep your explanation fairly blunt, it gets out of the way faster and you two can continue with your lives both the wiser. It's a hobby, not a lifestyle choice, and I've always wondered why people have such a hard time acknowledging it. But that's just me. Chances are she'll be into something just as sad/silly/money-wasting. If she reads a certain Saga-about-sparkly-vampires-that-creates-double-standards*, you already have some leverage.
In my experience, dislike towards the hobby tends to be based on the stereotype of nerdiness and what they see as a waste of money (which isn't even theirs, so go figure). As such, if you don't really fit the bill that dramatically or have a decent reply to how much of a money sink the hobby is (which, if we're honest, it is admittedly. Anyway, asking the heckler how they spend their money tends to shut them up fairly efficiently), there shouldn't be too much of a problem. I remember watching one guy pick on someone else for being a wargamer. It went quite literally like this:
<Guy waiting outside class for teacher to arrive>
<Other guy walks past>
Other guy (using sarcasm): "Oh, where's your Warhammer?"
He said that before picking up a look of satisfaction. Oh yeah, see what I did to that nerd. I totally put him in his place. LOLOLOLOLCOPTER. Quite.
Finally, if things look like they're going to pot, you can try and cool things a little bit:
*Explain that you're helping the economy, because you need a job to support the expenses.
*Spit out the UrbanDictionary definition of Warhammer ("the cure for having money" if you're interested).
*Tell her that you never really grew up, that you have an inner child who frequently yearns for the occasional taste of freedom. Some people find that cute for some reason.
*Cover all the good that it's done to your life (forgetting spending enough money on it to feed an entire third-world country for a month). For me, it's enhanced my knowledge of archaic military tactics, something that helped me top the class in Classics this year, also picking up $50. It can also requires a degree of patience, cognitive ability and maturity. If you can't tell her anything else, explain that the hobby helped you meet me .
Anyway, hope that helps. However, I wouldn't be surprised if someone with the key to these parts comes around to lock this fairly soon.
Depending on the chick and her own interests, there are plenty of ways you can play up the hobby and make it seem less childish.
- Emphasise the tactical and strategical nature of the game (The tanks and soldiers are just fancy chess pieces)
- Explain it purely as an artistic thing (I like building and painting, so it's a relaxing way to do both)
- You really dig the dark, dystopian science fiction setting, read the novels, etc. (It's like Blade Runner mixed with 1984 mixed with Starship Troopers)
But really, I don't think you have a lot to worry about. Most, if not all, the girls I've ever dated simply don't really care. One night maybe they'd come over and I'd been painting the night before and the conversation would go something like: "What's that?" - "Oh, just some models I build and paint when I've got some time to kill." - "Oh right, cool."
Either she'll be mildly interested and ask you why you like it or how you can have the patience and skill to paint so small, or she'll just accept it as a geeky but amusing hobby. Most girls will think it's kinda cute or will be impressed with your painting talents. I wouldn't sit and talk to her about the finer points of Inquisitorial law enforcement, but who sits and discusses any of their hobbies in that kind of detail anyway?
Keep it short, sweet and if you're worried they'll think less of you some self-deprecating jokes can ease embarrassment or tension. Cure for money is a good one. We know we're grown men playing with toy soldiers, who cares? It's fun.
If you really want to introduce your girl to your hobby why not take her to a gaming club? If you intoduce it to her as a nerdy modelling thing she'll think of it as a nerdy modelling thing; introduce it as a social get-togeather and it probobly won't seem so nerdy in her eyes. Worst case scenario many gaming clubs are in gaming stores, usually in mall, downtown, or shopping plazas -ie: you just brought a girl to the mall, so in her eyes you couldn't have screwed up that bad.
On a sidenote, it would be advisable not to bring your models the first time you bring your girl friend, in case she isn't interested you can leave without having to lug aroung a case full of models or just introduce her to your friends and (hopefully) make it seem less nerdy.
Anyway, they are all right, ladies never care about your hobbies unless they are the only reason they are into you (see musicians, daredevils and sports stars). If this lass likes you and you like her, would you lose interest in her because she likes some band or film franchise? I would hope not. So lets hope the inverse applies too.
As for introducing her to it, if it gets to be a relationship, follow the sage advice of the above posters:
-It is something you do, not who you are.
-It's where you meet some friends, let your creative side out (painting / background),
-You are social and gregarious ( fond of the company of other) and you'd rather play games with real people, not via some online game where you call your self Mr Mega Doomister and your friend's have equally ego centric names.
-It is no big deal. I've had several long term relationships with smart, wonderful girls/women who have either admired my talents in painting (nimble fingers are :stop:... um never mind :angel or found my that the hobby (and people involved in it) where generally fun and good.
It doesn`t matter what You say but HOW you say... just say it naturally when it comes, do not make a confession: "I play :nailbiting: warhammmer...". It is not a sin! Just when she asks or when she sees things and asks, just say in normal tone as You would say "I like strawberry cheescake." Won`t be any problem. Maybe she does not care at all! Just take it easy like You talk about your favourite movie.
I see no reason to mention it. As Fremen says, it's like enjoying strawberry cheesecake... now you're not just spouting lists of your favourite desserts at her are you? If she finds out, you can explain it then. It's really no big deal, and anyone who says it is needs to check their perspective a little.
Whenever I start dating a girl, I always make sure that she finds out early on. There's nothing like thinking you've got the best girl in the world and then she finds out you play Warhammer and drops you- seen it happen, sadly.
One day that I pick her up, I put the models I think she'd like best in my gaming case and then drive to her house. I leave the case in the back seat. She'll usually see it, ask about it, and then you can break it to her. I usually start with "they're pieces for a game that I play with my friends". She'll usually open up the case and take a look. ONLY ANSWER QUESTIONS, and keep your answers vague. The truth is, she doesn't care about the game in any other sense except to get a feel for whether or not it's something she can tell her friends about.
Sometimes you get lucky (not in that sense, haha) and she'll be quite interested. Other times you'll be relieved to discover that she's an understanding young lady who would be quite nice to cuddle and take to the movies. And on a rare occasion you may have to ask her to get out of the car at the next stoplight.
If she's alright with you playing the game, just remember to keep it in check. Don't run off telling her everything about the game every time you see her. She doesn't care if you just beat such-and-such an army or if you just painted your 2,000th point of Chaos Warriors. She might be interested to know if you won or lost your game, and that you were painting early in the day, but that's probably about it.
I thought that this thread was about choosing the hobby over a girl. Never do that. The girl always comes first- there are things that even the best painted Daemonette just can't do. This doesn't mean that a girl should come before your friends, but if you've been playing all week, and she wants to go to the movies, go to the damn movies!
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