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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In the dark future of the 41st millenia, there is only bad T.V.

Jerry Springer: “Ok everybody, today’s show is about worshippers of Chaos and the women who love them. Please welcome our first guest, Sister Chastity of the Holy Order of the Slain Virgin. Sister, welcome to our show.�

Chastity: “Thank you Jerry�

JS: “ Now Chastity, our producers have told us that you have been seeing someone for quite some time now.�

C: “Yes. He name is Falthus, and he is a member of the Emperor’s Children.�

Audience: “BOOOOOOOOO!�

JS : “Now wait a minute audience. Chastity, isn’t the Emperor’s Children one of Our Most Holy Emperor’s finest Space Marine Legions?�

C: (holding back the tears)�Well, it was, but now that they have fallen from grace…oh, he just sits around the fortress all day and melts people down into drugs! I won’t even tell you what he wants me to do in bed now *sob*.�

Audience: “Awwwwww…�

JS: “Well, let bring him out.�

A Space marine in pink armor with leopard skin tights stumbles onto stage: “All hail our Lord and God Slaanesh!�

Audience “Boo!�

JS: “Now now, quite down. Falthus, welcome to the show. Chastity has been telling us there have been some troubles in paradise…�

Falthus: “Well, there wouldn’t be any trouble is she would grovel at the feet of our merciless tormentor like I tell her to.�

C: “My love is only for the Emperor!�

F: “Yeah, that’s why he prostituted your order to the Adeptus Astartes!�

C: "Oh, go find someone else to wear lobster claws for you!" *sob*

Audience: “Ooooooooooooooooo!�

JS: “Well, Falthus, Chastity has told us that she has something to tell you. So I'll just step aside and let her say it.�

C: “Falthus, you know my love for you is second only to the Emperor, but…well, there is someone else….�

F: “What? Who the hell. Is it!�

JS: “Let’s bring out Henrik the Enraged, Mighty Champion of Khorne!�

A smashing sound is heard as half the stage set falls to the whirling blade of a chain axe. “You are a punk Flathus. Chastity wants a real man, not some whinny little musician and drug addict!�

F: “You punk a** B****!�

The audience begins to trample each other to get out of the way of the horrible battle that ensues.
 

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Funny, hey please write some more LOL
 

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Lord of the Household
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:lol:

Exellent, man...

Keep it coming...
 

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:lol: eheheh, that was cool! I wish I remembered the stuff I've seen at GW's forum, occasionally there's a lot of posts with 40K humour. But you seem to be pretty good at this :lol: :!:
 

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JS: “Let’s bring out Henrik the Enraged, Mighty Champion of Khorne!�

A smashing sound is heard as half the stage set falls to the whirling blade of a chain axe. “You are a punk Flathus. Chastity wants a real man, not some whinny little musician and drug addict!�
Where's the rest of this saga.

what happened to the climacitc battle between Flathus and Henrik

;)
 

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Lord of the Household
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LOL :D

I can't believe that the Champion of Khorne has the same name as my cousin's husband... LOL

Can't wait to see where this is going... don't stop Mel!
 

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Fat man in audience: take off your power armour
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Abaddon The Dispoiler is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his, Horus. So everyone please put your hands together for Abaddon The Dispoiler.

Jerry: Okay, now Abaddon The Dispoiler you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

Abaddon: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other persons name?

Abaddon: Deamonette.

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Deamonette, is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Abaddon The Dispoiler, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Logan Grimmer!

Abaddon: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere Abaddon pulls out a Power Sword. Logan Grimmer reaches for his Boltgun. Out of the shadows Sister of Battle Rammanities appears.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Logan Grimmer.

Logan Grimmer: Because I saw Abaddon The Dispoiler and Sister of Battle Rammanities making out in the The Imperial Palace!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: That's a lie! I was home watching ‘Sex Crazed 40k Nympho's 2 The Movie’!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Logan Grimmer?

Logan Grimmer: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Horus who has recently become engaged to Sister of Battle Rammanities.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Horus out here because Abaddon The Dispoiler had something that they needed to tell them anyway about...
Deamonette. That's right!

Horus: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Abaddon) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Deamonette! You know how I feel about Deamonette!.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Deamonette!

Horus: Because I knew that I could never have Deamonette. But Abaddon The Dispoiler promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Sister of Battle Rammanities: What about respect for MY feelings!

Logan Grimmer walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Horus.

Logan Grimmer: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: Oh my almighty Emperor! Are you SICK!

Sister of Battle Rammanities runs across the room and wraps her arms around Abaddon tightly.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: Abaddon The Dispoiler take me away from all of this!

Abaddon: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: Married?

Abaddon nods.

Sister of Battle Rammanities: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

Abaddon: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Deamonette.

Horus: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Deamonette: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 9 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Abaddon The Dispoiler is married to Deamonette who Horus has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Horus has recently become engaged to Sister of Battle Rammanities who was recently spotted kissing Abaddon The Dispoiler in the The Imperial Palace. Now on top of this Logan Grimmer has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Horus.

Deamonette: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
 

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Very nice Sister Mel, It could only happen in Jerry.....lol
:lol:
 

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Can I pitch in?

Tonight: Ancient Death-Gods and the Women Who Love Them!

Jerry: Well, folks, tonight we have a special show for you. Here is Eldar Farseer Izitia, who has something to say to you all.

(Izitia walks out. She swaggers a bit, showing off for the audience.)
I:Hello!
J:So, what's your story?
I: Well, it all started when I was surfing the Infinity Circuit. I met this cool guy, we really hit it off. Now he says he wants to see me, but I'm afraid to tell him I'm married!
J: You're married? Well, this complicates things! How do you feel about this mystery man?
I: I really like him!
Crowd: BOOOOOO!
J: Well, we have a special surprise tonight. Your mystery man is backstage. Let's bring him out.
(The C'tan Nightbringer enters. Members of the audience begin to boo, but stop after he swings hos scythe and decapitates the first row)
I: YOU?!
N: [inaudible]
(They hug. Then, Izitia sits back down and crosses her legs.)
N: [inaudible]
I: What?
N: [inaudible]
I: Oh, I don't know...
N: [inaudible]
I: I... guess I do.
N: [inaudible]
Audience: Awwwwww...
I: Listen, we have to talk
N: [inaudible]
I:I love you and all, but... I'm married
N: [inaudible, but clearly angry]
I: Don't be like that! We can still be friends!
N: [inaudible]
J:Well, we've got a special surprse for you tonight! Izitia, we have your husband backstage! Let's bring him out!
(The C'tan Deceiver enters)
N: [inaudible]
D: Yea, me!
I: Honeybunch, calm down!
N: [inaudible]
D: She means me, a**hole!
N: [inaudible]
D: She's mine
Audience: Fight! Fight!
J:Now, we don't want a fight. How can we resolve this peacefully?
D: Maybe if this big psycho would keep his paws off my girl!
I: I ain't nobody's girl!
D: I don't like you flirtin' with other guys! You know that!
N: [inaudible]
I: Now, now, sweety. I did marry him.
N: [inaudible]
D: Stop talking to her! She's too good for you!
I: Stop being so protective!
D: I don't like you hanging with other guys!
I: Oh yeah? You like this? (She pulls up her shirt, "baring it" to the audience)
Audience: Ooooooh!
D: Hey!
N: [inaudible]
D:SHUT UP!
(Deceiver throws a chair at Nightbringer)
Audience: FIGHT!!!! FIGHT!!!
J: That's all the time we have for today! Thank you folks!
 

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(The C'tan Nightbringer enters. Members of the audience begin to boo, but stop after he swings hos scythe and decapitates the first row)
lol....maybe Jerry should have more guests like this guy.....certainly stops the audience shouting the mans name so much.....sheeesh

;)
 

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LOL, next time have greater daemon of nurgle who has have a little fun with an ultramarine chaplain and a hive tyrant! (or some thing like that).
 

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I can just imagine it now- "In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only a millenia old addiction to bad cable." I think even the most pious chaplain would laugh his socks off if this show was on in the 41st millenium :lol:
 
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