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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
heres a taste of Lord Of The Bling-Blings have fun

act one: The battle against Suaroff

Galadriel: unay cahutay sumonatuuva astove contruta
the world has changed, I smell it in the air I feel it in the earth , much that once was is now lost, for none now live who remember it

Galadriel: It began with the forging of the bling-blings three were given to the elves immortal and sexiest of all the races, seven were given to the dwarf lords, great drinkers, and smokers of the mountain halls, and nine,.. nine blings were given to the race of men , who above all else desire power, and to get laid.

Galadriel: for in these blings was the power to rule each of these races good and justly, even while drunk, stoned or high. but they were all of them deceived. in the land of Morpot in the fires of Mt. Bong the dark lord Sauroff forged in secret a master bling-bling,

One bling bling to rule them all
One bling bling to bind them
One bling bling to bring them all
And in the darkness find them
Because he couldn't see.

one by the free races of middle earth fell to the power of the bling-bling, but there were some that cost to much.
[battle starts]
a last alliance of elves and men fought back against Sauroff and laid siege to his fortress Barredoor.

Galadriel: victory was near at hand but the power of the bling bling could not be undone

[battle scene]

Galadriel: it was at this moment that Isadoor son of the king took up his fathers sword,.. all five pieces of it, and the bling was cut from Sauroff’s finger. the bling passed to Isadoor who had this one chance to rid middle earth from the bling-bling’s evil forever.


Galadriel: but the dicks of men are easily swayed , and the bling has a will of its own. Isadoor kept the ring but in the end it betrayed him to his death. the ring then came to Gaylem, who took it deep into the tunnels beneath the misty mountains, where it was picked up by a hoebit.

Sellsomeporn: shut the hell up whore.

Galadriel: and in conclusion hoebits are going to change the world, the end.

act two: Dildo's birthday

Dildo: There and Back Again: Why I Didn’t Stay, by Dildo Bagins. On Hoebits, Hoebits have been sleeping with and ****ing each other in the four fartings of the Shrire for many years. Not counted among the great warriors or among the very wise. Hoebits have been content to ignore and be ignored by the “big� people. it has been said that Hoebits’ only true passion is food an unfair accusation as we have developed a keen interest in the drinking of ales and the smoking of weed, but where our hearts truly lie is in clean white sheets and good tilled earth, for all Hoebits share a love for things that grow. Although to some our ways seem quaint it is always brought back to me that it is no bad thing to celebrate an uneedingly complex simple life.

(knock on door)

Dildo: Afrodu get the door there’s someone there. Afrodu, the door! Afrodu, confusticate it where is that boy.

(scene shifts to a grassy hill near a path)

Dildo (in background): Afrodu!? Afrodu!?

Gandalf (in cart coming down path): Ah hun dum ba rum ta pum rump si mun tan bu hump dum hum ba dun (Repeat until come to Afrodu).

Afrodu: You’re late.

Gandalf: Afrodu Bagins, a wizard never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to, it’s quite handy in traffic jams. (he and Afrodu begin laughing)

Afrodu: Gandalf ,Gandalf it’s so good to see you!

Gandalf: And it’s good to see you, and how is Dildo the old rascal, I hear it will be a party of special magnificence.

Afrodu: You know Dildo he’s got the whole place in an uproar. He hasn’t invited anyone but everyone’s showing up any way. To tell the truth I’m worried about Dildo, he’s taken to locking himself in his study and he hasn’t maolested me while I’m not looking (Gandalf looks troubled and turns away) all right keep your secrets, it’s been great to see you again. (Afrodu jumps off cart into a rock tree lake orother suitable obstacle. Gandalf continues on to Dildo’s and resumes humming)

454 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Were gonna make a movie out of it, when its done we'll either give or sell ya a copy

454 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Me and my friends are tryin to make a movie into it but we need some donations from people to buy some props and stuff. <_< It doesnt help that our town is small and has alot of poor poeple in it!

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2,085 Posts
Here's some more

(Gandalf knocks on door) Dildo: Go away, I don’t want any more whores saleswomen, unrelated hoebits, or distant relations. (Gandalf knocks again) What do I have to do; run about the Shrire yelling Grandpa Dildo ain’t got wood no more! I don’t want to see any of you.

Gandalf: But what about very old “friends�?

Dildo: (runs outside) Oh my “dear� Gandalf, you won’t mention what I said to anyone will you I get carried away at times. Well come in come in. I have some bottles in the ole ale stock left, why don’t we open one now.

Gandalf: 2 would be just fine. Afrodu suspects something you know.

Dildo: Of course he does, he’s a Bagins not some stupid Booger from Hardnipple.

Gandalf: If you leave it will break his heart.

(angry knocking at the door) Dildo: I’m not at home. (goes to window) It’s the Saggy-Baginses. I’ve got to get away from these fruity relatives, they’re driving me insane!

(On a hilltop over looking the party, smoking) Dildo: Old Toby, the finest weed in the Shrire. Gandalf this’ll be a night to remember.

(At the party, people are making merry, Gandalf is using fireworks, Dildo is talking to guests, Afrodu is dancing, Happy and Pipein are hanging around Gandalf’s cart) Afrodu: (goes over to Spam) Go ahead Spam ask Rosey for a dance.

Spam: Nah, I think I’ll have another ale. (Afrodu throws Spam into Rosey and they start dancing, Afrodu laughs) (Gandalf gets an armful of fireworks after he leaves Happy tosses Pipein into the cart, Pipein picks up a firework) Happy: No, no, the big one big on. (Pipein picks up a big dragon one and they run into a tent and light it) Yer supposed to stick it in the ground.

Pipein: It is in the ground.

Happy: Outside.

Pipein: It was your idea. (the dragon scene from the movie) That was great.

Happy: Lets get another.

Gandalf: (grabs them by their ears) Happy Brandyferabuck and Pipein Tookit, I should have known.

(The guests are sitting at tables near a makeshift stage) Guests: Speech! Speech!

Dildo: My dear Baginses and Blowers, Tookits and Brandyferabucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Brownoses, Dickblowers, Boogers, Bracegirdles, Tooters, Female-Goodbodies, Brokehouses, and Proudfootses.

Some Hoebit: Proudfeets!

Dildo: Today is my 111 birthday, I’m eleventy-one woopadie-doo! I hope y’all are enjoying yourselves as much as I am. (cries of yes and no) I wish to make an announcement, I regret to inform you that this is the end I am leaving, now (vanishes)

Guests: (Sounds of sex)


Gandalf: I suppose you believe that was funny.

Dildo: (Reappears) There’s no harm in a little “fun�.

Gandalf: There are many magical bling-blings in this world and none of them should be played with.

Dildo: Oh you’re probably right as before, shall we elope.

Gandalf: No I want to “talk� to Afrodu.

Dildo: I’m leaving everything to Afrodu.

Gandalf: Even the bling-bling.

Dildo: No it’s mine, I’ll keep it, it’s mine my precious.

Gandalf: Dildo Bagins do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks, stay in there, stupid rabbit. I’m not trying to rob you, O.K. well maybe I am, but it will do you good.

(Dildo drops the bling-bling by the door and runs off humming, Afrodu walks in) Afrodu: Gandalf where’s Dildo?

Gandalf: He has gone off to see the elves. Close the door, were you raised in a barn?

Afrodu: Whore house.

Gandalf: That explains a lot. Dildo has left you Baggiend and the bling-bling. (takes the bling-bling and puts it in an envelope) Keep it secret and safe, never use it. I must go now to answer my many questions. (Gandalf leaves and Afrodu stands stunned)

Act 3: Escape from the Shrire

(Afrodu is walking home from the bar finds his house looted walks in Gandalf sneaks up behind him and spins him around) Gandalf: Is it secret? Is it safe?

Afrodu: Yeah it’s right over here. (looks through nearly every part of the house before removing it from a chest)

Gandalf: Give it to me! (Takes bling-bling and tosses it into the fire, waits, takes it out of the fire) Here take it, it’s quite cool. Can you see anything on it.

Afrodu: No, (Gandalf looks relieved) hold on, there are markings on it, it’s some form of elvish I can’t read it.

Gandalf: There are few who can. It is the “black tongue� the ghetto language of Morpot, which I shall not utter here, in the common tongue it says:

One bling-bling to rule them all
One bling-bling to bind them
One bling-bling to bring them all
And in the darkness find them
Cause I can't see.

Afrodu: What does it mean?

Gandalf: That it is the One Bling-bling, made by Sauroff to control all others, and he is searching for it with all his might.

Afrodu: Fine we put it away, we hide it we never speak of it. No one knows it’s here do they?

Gandalf: There is one other who knows. I searched “long� and “hard� for the creature Gayllem, but they found him first.

Afrodu: What must I do?

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filming begins this month thanks to some rich freshman getting us a camera props and other stuff
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