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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Night of Unending Darkness ( comments? )

Just a teaser for a six chapter story! let me know what you think ^^.


Chainswords flew and limbs coloured the ground green as the space marines pressed home their advantage from a surprise attack to a full fledged assault.

“Brother Lorgar behind you!” Shouted a grizzled veteran as an Ork tried to bury his axe in the head of Lorgar. The space marine turned around just in time to parry the Ork’s axe before using his spare hand to punch holes into the green slim with the tip of his bolt pistol as he emptied shot after shot into the green scum. Confusion was everywhere as the marines cut through the tide of green like a knife through butter and soon enough the Orks began to take hold of the situation and rush back into the fight, with the enthusiasm that only Orks could wield. Plus a few knocks on the head here and there.

The situation was getting out of hand, as more and more Orks poured in, Lorgar knew and if something was not done soon. Their surprise attack would turn into a disaster and he could not let his brothers die so easily, he must find their leader and he must kill their leader. Simple as it sounds; but nothing was ever easy for a marine. “Brother Vail, with me!” Shouting towards the grizzled veteran as he plunged right into the thick of the horde. The veteran spun his chainsword and parried his opponent's overhead strike, before finished up with uppercut with the chainsword causing untold mess as green flashed everywhere blinding the sergeant for mere seconds. Wiping away the filth, he charged with his brother into the fray without doubt and without mercy.

A few hundred of metres away, the marines fought with renewed eagerness as their commander entered the fray, while Captain Lucius and his honour guard spat death into the Orks. A sudden roar was heard not a few hundred metres ahead of them, knowing this to be the leader of the attack, they moved on as flamer squads flanked their enemies and cleared the way. Whatever caused the roar had arisen, 11 foot into the air, as a muscular giant clad in metal and bones forged its way through the Orks and towards Lucius. Its hand gripped on a familiar object, which was Brother Lorgar's open mouthed head, “Brother Lorgar, you will be avenged!” Spoke Captain Lucius, but before his rage had time to accumulate. A figure burst from the Ork lines, while being restrained by several large Orks, “Brother Captain! I have failed you, forgive me!” Spoke the disorientated Vail as he struggled to break free from the Orkish grasp.

The warboss however saw the dismay in the marines faces, with glee, as they saw one of their own so helpless; so defenceless, but held high their heads as their brother continued to fight. “Ya see now? Dis iz wert appenz when youz mess wiv de Orks, an diz is wert appenz when u fight da Orks!” Shouted the warboss gleefully as he took the body of Vail in his metallic grasp and ripped apart the marines body with claw and hand in front of the marines. Even the Orks stopped their fighting to marvel as the leader destroyed his opponent and showered his enemy with gore. “Waaaaagh!” Shouted the Orks, their anger reaching it’s peak once more. “For the emperor!” Screamed the marines.

The warboss laughed with a hideous grin, “U beaky boyz are gonna die ere tonight an ur head will be on me pointy stick ere, datz an honour dat iz!” Claimed the Ork. Silenced stood within the marine lines, as they knew discipline all too well.

The Orks as impatient as always reflected the mood of their warboss, “Well! What do u say do dat?” Shouted the warboss as his views of the emperor’s finest began to deteriorate. “To hell with you and your kind and for the emperor, charge!” Shouted the Captain as his marines charged and his command squad came forth. A grin like never before appeared on Warboss Bigboss’s as he and his rabble bellowed their warcry and charged with renewed enthusiam.

However, as Captain Adonis Lucius and his command squad brought up their weapons to bear, the warboss’s grin broke into an horror stricken face as he was torn apart by a flurry of plasma bolts that reduced his mass to nothing more than a heap of glowing goo.

"Brothers target the nobz, demorilize them and destroy them!" Barked the Captain, as their holy wrath could only be forstalled for too long and within half a minute the warbosses retinue were reduced as well ,like their leader, to what could be best described in the old days as radioactive mushy peas, this humoured many sick factory workers but for those who unfortunately met their fate while eating fish and chips. It became untolerable pain for all they knew.
 

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Not too bad there Nova, just a couple little suggestions I would think the story would flow much better if you would work on expanding your vocabulary, as well as the dialauge your characters are using. It just seems a little too repedative and predictable as it is. Another thing I would reccomend is to try and move away from that swirling melee of marines and orks idea, as anyone whos evver played Dawn of War would get a bit of a been there done that scenario.
 

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Agreed with Biscuits. DoW is a sampling of 40k, in the canon Space Marines are *mildly* verbose, though from DoW alone one wouldn't know it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
this is a version that hasn't been corrected. i have had trouble getting the checked one. and this is like the 4th chapter of the 6 chaptesr ^^. the first one is much much different ^^.
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antique_nova
 

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It's a good start, and has a lot of potential. Maybe fix up a couple run-on sentences, that should help it a lot grammar-wise, and some metaphors for descriptions should help paint a picture in the reader's head (go for darkly ironic metaphors and similes, if you get too flowery its not 40k :)). I'd also be a little more descriptive of where they are, I get the sense they are just fighting in some big, non-distinct open space.

Fluff-wise, the only thing I'd change is the name of the Lorgar guy. No loyalist chapter would have someone named after the Word Bearers' primarch; I'm not even sure if traitors would.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
i am not sure what to name the lorgar guy. maybe frank fugger :p. i would like to see him killed in 40k ^^. yep, you got the exact affect for the type of battlefield. this is like the 4th chapter out of the 6th. so you would get more discription and detail earlier on.

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antique_nova
 

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The last few sentences took the shine off this piece for me. They made no sense. Otherwise an entertaining read, taking into account those comments already made.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
The real deal has arrived


Chapter One - Midnight Approaches


The ground was pounding with the weight of death and the air was blocked out by the stench of decay. “INCOMING! GE….” The figure grabbed his helmet and belly flops towards the ground, cursing as he did at the lack of fire support and the fact that he danced with death once more. Fortunately, his fellow comrades had sensed it too and they too had dived for cover.

Slowly standing up and recovering from his filthy mud covered uniform, Storm trooper Sergeant Neil of the 13th brass brazen company looked like a man who had seen death a dozen times and many more. His leggings were torn from the knee down, exposing angry red scars from the shrapnel that had caught him from previous fire fights. His shirt was covered with perspiration, exhaustion was reaching its peak, plus recent helpings of slime, ash and dirt had all taken their toll upon the sergeant for the past hour, who equally thought of it as life at its finest. Clearing his head, he looked through a hole in the sniper position noticing the ugly, but brutal figures of the green scum. The Orks, and the crimson lights that poured into their ranks, with flashes of white. It was almost like fireworks.

He beckoned his squad to move up to the area that he had just located. Setting his vox, range, to 50 metres within the range of the squad he spotted, “Sergeant Neil speaking identify your rank, squad number and situation!” Shouting into it with an air of urgency. The seconds pass as more screams can be heard from dying men before him, as the continuing noise that erupted from the crude guns of the Orks made the communications like this next to impossible. A buzz erupted from the sergeant’s vox, “Sergeant Tuck here, Platoon 240, Squad two-four here. We’re barely holding the green scum back, we require assistance, repeat we require assistance." Exaggerated breathes could be heard in between his words as he spoke. “Don’t worry sergeant, squad 12S* are on our way.” Responded Neil.

*12S was one of the 24 squads of storm troopers assigned to defend this strategic asset, Rennoc city.

“The glory boys are here are they? Well you’d better hurry up or there will be nothing left of us to look for.” Not hearing the last few words, Sergeant Neil knew he could not do much for squad two-four, who were only 50 metres away, but he would try and try he damn well will. “Concentrate fire on one Ork at a time! Damn you trooper, I said concentrate not evaluate! Medic! Medic! Where is the medic when have casualties here and there. Where the hell are those shiny boys?” Those were all words that Sergeant Tuck could manage, before he noticed that the skies were turning hairy with black dots and black wings.

“Damn the Orks, they have air support!” Turning to look at the rest of his squad knowing they were eager for this fight to end and knowing that they were tired, weary and afraid, could not stop the Orks from reaching them before reinforcements could arrive in time. Such was the life of an Imperial guardsman, but so was the expectation from all guardsmen. That to die afraid was to die without glory and glory was what every man aspired to achieve, even in the direst of circumstances. Sergeant Tuck gave one last prayer to the emperor as he whipped out two bolt pistols, the pistols that were given to him on the day of his promotion, and bellowed out one last order in the mist of death.

“Men, you have fought against this endless tide and you have fought with honour! Now is the time to finish this fight, for the emperor and for the Imperium, charge and frag them back to whatever hell hole they came from!” Such were the words of the faithful, but such were the words of dead men who looked for peace within chaos and calamity.
With that order, Sergeant Tuck and the twenty guardsmen that are left in his squad, pulled out their grenades and threw them into the green crowd. While charging into the horde firing and swearing to their hearts contempt, knowing full well that it is better to die with madness than to die with fear.

Upon a hill not 10 metres away, squad 12S arrive only to find that the squad that they were to reinforce had just charged into the horde. Noticing such bravery, they begin to charge, but not before they notice something odd. Trooper Bacon shouts to his sergeant and points out towards the black dot heading straight towards them. Looking up, Sergeant Neil’s stomach twists and turns as his mind races, “Sweat Emperor, is that what I think it is?”

His mouth agape, as more pinpricks started to appear behind the black dot that was heading for them.
In thirteen years of fighting in service to the Emperor. The sergeant had never seen such a sight. A sight he would never forget, nor see again.

For he had heard legends about them, armoured knights who dropped from the skies, plowing into the hated enemies of the Imperium spitting death to their foes and bringing hope to their allies. This seem only all too true, but as the sergeant regained his senses not a moment before his men, smiled, then charged into the green horde, knowing that they would soon be joined by the emperor’s finest.

The space marines!

Chapter two: Daylight Arises

The random thumps and the constant humming of the drop pod's coolant fans were drowned out with the prayers of the men inside them.

"With the fires of war, shall we bring destruction to those that oppose us." Spoke the sergeant calmly.

"To the shadows we bring light." Replied the squad, before they switched their bolters off safe mode.

"With the purity of faith, shall we enlighten those who listen." Spoke the sergeant, his voiced hightened.

"To those who choose not, we purify such taint." Replied the squad, before they turned on their headlights.

"With steal and iron, shall we forge our bodies from death and decay." Spoke the sergeant, with an iron grip in his voice, as it steadily rose in pride.

"Least we perish in our holy duty." Replied the squad once more in a enthusiatic response, before saluting their chests with their right fists.

"With the will of the mind, shall we construct our course." Spoken in a calmer voice by the sergeant.

"Least we are driven from our righteous path." Dutifully replied in a roar like response, before their right hand was moved to their right hip.

"With the leader of mankind upon us, shall we triumph." Replied the sergeant in a louder voice.

"We shall not fail, not now, not ever!" Chorused the entire squad as tempos rised and blood boiled. As they placed their right hand on the handle grip of the bolter and left hand under the grip of the bolter, then pointed it upwards.

"To war we prosper as we came, we saw, we conquered!" Shouted the squad once more.

As each member fired once, a blank, reloaded then switched their bolters to full-auto and placed them in the chest rest position and stamped lighting onto the floor twice, signalling the end of the prayer.

As the rattling continued within the drop pod, the lights within the pod rapidly blinked with shades of red, signalling the last few hundred meters as the marines braced for landing. Outside the pod however, events were even tenser.

“Sarge! What do you want us to do?” Asked trooper Ogra.
“As always trooper, take the glory with guns and bubblegum*.” Replied the sergeant.

*Bubblegum was the term referred to the men of the company of storm troopers as fight to the death. In other words, holding the ground for reinforcements and not yielding an inch of ground to the enemy willingly as death was as common to the Imperial Guard as the number of munitions that were provided to them.

The trooper acknowledged his leader’s words as if he has heard them a hundred times and once more. “Yes Sarge, but don’t we want to spoil the big boy’s fun? After all we’re not the ones who will be in the glory talk later, not with them marines around!” Such glory hogging talk would only lead to Ogra’s death if he was not careful enough.

“Point taken, now why you lot standing here like guardsmen on parade ground, get stuck in, we’re not going to win this war by just standing and shouting all day are we?!” Shouted the sergeant as his men eyed him childishly with grins evident on there faces. “No Sarge!” Shouted trooper Ogra as he smiled at his sergeant’s comment and ran at the tide of Orks with a gun in hand and his companions on his back. “Time to clear this cesspit, before the big boys take all the fun” The sergeant reaches into one of his many pocket pouches, pulls out a timer and frowns at the rucksack in front of him. “Smart man, that kid is.” Quietly referring to trooper Ogra, with a grin, as it wouldn’t do much good to the kid if he became too cocky.

Then suddenly, hearing a roar in the distant and looking up to see a rather large Ork charging through his own mob shoving and thumping his own kind just to get through to his enemy. Judging his distance from the Ork, Sergeant Neil sets his timer to 20 seconds, stuffs it into the rucksack and hurls it into the direction of the squabbling Ork. “Let’s see how loud you cry after this payload.” Spoke the Sergeant as he watched the events unfold, with a pistol in one hand and a chainsword in the other.

Amongst the green tide that was charging into the thin line of guardsmen was a large Ork by the name of Nob Izgotcha. “Oy youz der, getz oudda my way or iz croke ya! WAAAG….” Waving his large axe as he did. Suddenly hit by a heavy bag, Izgotcha swears and picks up the bag to see what was in it. What Izgotcha didn’t know was that the bag was fully loaded with frag grenades and a timer. Shocked and shaken to its green core, Izgotcha could only manage a few words. “Oh, shhhhhhi….”

Before it exploded into a shower of bits and balls, as the explosion vaporised any Ork with a 10 metre radius of the centre of the explosion into green and black squishy pulps and a very big crater.

Chapter Three: Friendly Meetings

Not a hundred metres away, Crosseyezd had his enlarged rocket in the general direction of the grey figure that seemed to be hurling a brown bag. Only to see his leader burst into flames and the opportunity to kill the enemy leader and take the fat Nob’s horde.

"Err we go, oy Sneaky go to dat grey bit stickin out of the ground der, yea right der." Pleasure all to evident in his, Crosseyezd's, voice as he prepared for an event of mayhem to come, but not as he had planned. The next thing Sneaky knew was that what he had stepped on was more than just a grey bit sticking out of the ground. That 'grey bit' was a Mordian MkV Spray Mine, more commonly known to the soldiers of the Imperium as a git finder, due to its trademark warning. The shiny edge that stuck up above the ground.

Fortunately enough for the Imperium, the Orks were attracted to these shiny bits as much as eagles were likely to seize on lonely rodents. Given the chance that they would spot it. In an instance, a shocked Crosseyezd became more confused by the minute as Sneaky was then riddled with holes the size of his fist, as a large figure poured into the scene pouring shot after shot into the ranks of the Orks as the line of men defending the ditch continued to look thinner and thinner by the second. While Sergeant Neil realised at what he had just witnessed, he received a transmission not a second after. “Ello ello, did someone call for a Leman Russ?” Spoke a rough and pleased voice. The voice sounded familiar, but it carried a distinctive huffing and puffing pattern to it with the thumbing of the engines in the background. “Bob! You fat bastard, why are you here and how did you get here? Responsed the sergeant in surprise. However, realization daunted on him as he heard the next few words.

“The name’s Vince, we came to relieve you tight boys* from this mud pit!” Replied Vince as he amused himself with the title of fat bastard.

*Tight boys was another one of the many other forms of words, usually unheard of, used to describe anyone who fought in a contested zone for too long.

“Roger that, Ogra get everyone back now and hunker down, big mamma is on her way!” Spoke the sergeant as he voiced the safety concerns for his squad, grunting and the sound of bayonets could be heard as the trooper responded. “Yes Sarge, about time they brought something big and scary down here for once, fall back! Fall back! Code 5! CODE 5!” However, something distracted the trooper as he redirected the survivors to the last line of barricades.

"Oy, I said fall back not fall dea..m.m.m.ma.ma.marines! Shouted trooper Ogra, then the soldier's jaw dropped at the sight of the large black marines who were more frightening to look at, as they gauged their way through the Ork ranks in a sea of flame, that didn't seem to affect them in the slightest, but caused unimaginable panic for the Orks. Who’s’ fungus like skin disappeared between the flames of heaven and the angels of death. Plus the fact that they came out from nowhere.

There was one thing that the trooper noticed that wasn’t right though. These men all wore helmets with no indication of a leader, not even medals or markings and the fact that they fought in silence, this could be ignored as they all had helmets, but the rest could not. On the other hand, what set Ogra apart from the others, was that he had more sense than to just stand and stare. Knowing that if he failed to heed his sergeant’s words, then he would be better off being the Orks, so he ran and ran as fast as he his legs would drive him.

"Hey Rog!, now is not a good time to be jamming the gun, damn you just fire it! " Said Vince, while leaning extra stress on the word 'now' to the russ gunner Roger. A fraction of a second later, smoke billowed out from the Leman Russ's cannon as it launched its 40 inch shell into the masses of the Orks.

Running with all the energy that he had left, trooper Ogra sweating as he was, still found the energy and the will to carry on towards his RP despite the tide of Orks on his back and despite the fact that he was running from the kill-zone created by the Russ.

Ran and ran he did, but where there was once a trooper, stood ground and nothing more.

Onboard the ship above the battle, Angel’s Fury, something not quite right had come to the attention of the radars on board. “Unconfirmed forces in the area, wearing the image of the emperor’s chosen.” Spoke the servitor at the radar station. “Zoom in at location and centre them in at 90%, freeze frame” Called the stern voice.

“Location zoomed, centred at 90%, freeze frame. Chapter unknown.”
The stern voice moved closer towards the screen, trying to figure what he was seeing, but all he could see was black armoured marines, with flames on their pads and skulls as there emblems. Not even a sign of the imperial eagle was visible on their armour, yet there was something strangely Imperial about them. “Send a transmission to the captain, notify him of the unknown and place the ship on full alert”. As he spoke in a firm voice, something troubled him and he hated trouble that he wasn’t prepared for. On the ground, things were different, much different.

As the ground was seeded with pods. The enemy’s fates were sealed. Once the angels of death arrived, only hell lingered close to them. That was what happened whenever the enemies of the Imperium experienced the storm of death, as Captian Adonis Lucius stormed into the ranks of the Orks and his brothers swept away the xenos.

Chapter Four: Mysteries Unraveling

"Squad Tonis secure the guards left flank, scout squad Dacius and Dakka secure the jungle to the left flank as well I don't want any infiltrators or any surprises from that jungle." Spoken with the voice of a thousand commandments and a thousand memories as he resumed the thinking of one tactic out of thousands. The squad indicators blinked green to signal that all squads heard his orders. However, another signal caught his attention.

"Brother Captain Adonis Lucius here, report." Voiced the captain, as there were only too many seconds that he could delay himself from the battle ahead.
"We have unknown forces wearing the image of the emperor's angels." Steady in his voice, but interests were second matters when there were more urgent matters to attend to.
"Roger that Brother Tellos, keep me updated on this as your no.1 priority" Interest all but blocked out in his voice. The signal blinked green once more and the battle ensued.
"Status report!" Called the captain.
"All squads in position and in the process of completing objectives, there is an increased disturbance near the front ranks of the Xenos." Replied the veteran.
"Gather the command squad and ignite code, “Cold Rays." Code rays was only ever used against any unexpected threat that was more dangerous than an average marine could handle.

Within the Ork ranks, something big was moving; green was everywhere, in the air, on the floor and in the floor as Nobz Piszoff thumped and floored his men. For authority within the Orks was always dealt with a swift thump on the head. "Oy you liddle mangy gitz, da beaky boyz are erez an youz don't wanna miss out on diz fight. Now turnz arounz an getz goingz!" No sooner had the Nob finished his gibbering, he was blown to bits by a rocket.
"Scout squad Dacius reporting, objective complete!" Whispered scout Helios with a hint of satisfaction, for without a leader the Orks would be no more dangerous than a human lunch brawl if confusion was sowed upon them.

"Copy that Dacius, squad Tonis move up on their flank and unleash hell!” Barked the commander as eagerness was slowing creeping into his voice, then he turned to face the men rallied behind him.
“Men, marines and more! Today we shall cleanse this planet of walking *fungus* and today we shall make history!” Eying each marine as he spoke, proud of the spirit he awakened within his warriors and proud of the actions that they would evoke on this righteous today. Raising his weapon as he did he cried out, “TO WAR!”, followed by the response from his men as they shouted back the same words in a defining war cry and charged towards the green horde.

Sergeant Tuck, who heard the war cry, could not resist the temptation to look over his shoulders as his men held the Orks and died amongst the Orks. What was once a hill behind him was now a line of human giants, clad in armour they were; wielding large weapons they were and unimaginably fearsome they were. “Boys, the marines are here now. Fall back, fall back! And give the maniacs some room!” Barked Tuck, exhausted as the guardsmen were, they gladly obeyed such an order and ran towards the russ as it continuously poured shell after shell into the sea of green.

The Orks, realising that the guardsmen were running, felt a sudden surge of joy at seeing their foe run and more arriving to join the fight. For Orks thrived in war and winning was their nature. However, such was the stupidity of Orks as they focused on only one thing at a time. The additional foe, were big much bigger than their previous foe and they charged in a war cry which the Orks gladly replied in fashion with their own, waaagh. Little did they know that they would soon be in pieces, as a sea of flames suddenly took them and fear suddenly engulfed them, as chainswords rapidly tore into them.

The ground below on the other hand, was less exciting than the battle above as trooper Ogra picked himself up.

"What th...." Fear took him by surprise as green eyes suddenly beamed him and darkness overcame him.

MORE TO COME ! :D.

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antique_nova
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Chapter Five - The Mess Hall

Chainswords flew and limbs coloured the ground green as the space marines pressed home their advantage from a surprise attack to a full fledged assault.

“Brother Lorgar behind you!” Shouted a grizzled veteran as an Ork tried to bury it's axe into the head of Lorgar. The space marine turned around just in time to parry the Ork’s axe before using his spare hand to punch holes into the green slim with the tip of his bolt pistol as he emptied shot after shot into the green scum. Confusion was everywhere as the marines cut through the tide of green like a knife through butter and soon enough the Orks began to take hold of the situation and rush back into the fight, with the enthusiasm that only Orks could wield. Plus a few knocks on the head here and there.

The situation was getting out of hand, as more and more Orks poured in, Lorgar knew and if something was not done soon, their surprise attack would turn into a disaster and he could not let his brothers die so easily. He must find their leader and he must kill their leader. Simple as it sounds; but nothing was ever easy for a marine. “Brother Vail, with me!” Shouting towards the grizzled veteran as he plunged right into the thick of the horde. The veteran spun his chainsword and parried his opponent's overhead strike, before finished up with uppercut with the chainsword causing untold mess as green flashed everywhere blinding the sergeant for mere seconds. Wiping away the filth, he charged with his brother into the fray without doubt and without mercy and with a crazy plan set upon his shoulders.

A few hundred of metres away, the marines fought with renewed eagerness as their commander entered the fray, as Captain Lucius and his honour guard spat death into the Orks. Then a sudden roar was heard not a few hundred metres ahead of them, knowing this to be the leader of the attack, they moved on as flamer squads flanked their enemies and cleared the way. Whatever caused the roar had arisen, 10 foot into the air, as muscular as a krootox and as tempermental as Khorne forged its way through the Orks and towards Lucius. Its hand gripped on a familiar object, which was Brother Lorgar's open mouthed head, “Brother Lorgar, you will be avenged!” Spoke Captain Lucius, but before his rage had time to accumulate. A figure burst from the Ork lines, while being restrained by several large Orks, “Brother Captain! I have failed you, forgive me!” Spoke the disorientated Vail as he struggled to break free from the Orkish grasp.

The warboss however saw the dismay in the marines faces, with glee, as they saw one of their own so helpless; so defenceless, but held high their heads as their brother continued to fight. “Ya see now? Dis iz wert appenz when youz mess wiv da Orks, an diz is wert appenz when u fight da Orks!” Shouted the warboss gleefully as he took the body of Vail in his metallic grasp and ripped apart the marine's body with claw and hand in front of the marines. Even the Orks stopped their fighting to marvel as the leader destroyed his opponent and showered his enemy with gore. “Waaaaagh!” Shouted the Orks, their anger reaching it’s peak once more. “For the emperor!” Screamed the marines, rage clearly exploding from the marines, this was to became messy, very messy.

The warboss laughed with a hideous grin, “U beaky boyz are gonna die ere tonight an ur head will be on me pointy stick ere, datz an honour dat iz!” Claimed the Ork. Silenced abruptly stood within the ranks of marines, as they knew discipline all too well.

The Orks as impatient as always reflected the mood of their warboss, “Well! What do u say do dat?” Shouted the warboss as his views of the emperor’s finest began to deteriorate. “To hell with you and your kind and for the emperor, charge!” Shouted the Captain as his marines charged and his command squad came forth. A grin like never before appeared on Warboss Bigboss’s face as he and his rabble bellowed their warcry and charged with renewed enthusiam.

However, as Captain Adonis Lucius and his command squad brought up their weapons to bear, the warboss’s grin broke into an horror stricken face as he was torn apart by a flurry of plasma bolts that reduced his mass to nothing more than a heap of glowing goo.

"Brothers, target the nobz demorilize them and destroy them!" Barked the Captain, as their holy wrath could only be forstalled for so long and within half a minute the warbosses' retinue were reduced to the same sorry state as their leader was to what could be best described in the old days as, radioactive mushy peas. This humoured many sick factory workers, but for those who unfortunately met their fate while eating fish and chips. It became untolerable pain for all they knew.

All was not done however, as the Orks retreated in the mist of the fight, the Captain noticed dozens of crude Orkish contraptions dotted all over the battlefield. They had chequered flags painted onto them and parts falling off from all sides as it shivered and the nose cone at the top fell off.

"Fall ba...." Was all Captain Adonis could manage, before the scene evapourated in shades of white and the sounds of doom. With a big bad boom!

Up on the bridge of the -------, a bright flash could be seen on the planet below. Static hissed through from the communications station. " We lost contact with the Captain! " Shouted the comms bearer.


Chapter 6 - Tale of a stalker!

Scout Helios turned when he heard the explosion, his combead fried, a few quick hand gestures to scout Guri sent him hurrying away to find the cause of the problem. As they stalked through the dense jungle a cave appeared from nowhere, motioning scout Pointer forward to secure the perimeter and scout Lork acted as look out, Helios moved forward discreetly to the entrance of the cave. "Movement" Whispered Helios through the short ranged comms they carried, which thankfully was protected from the blast, as he detected an aerie glow in the dark tunnel ahead. He continued as normal, but his senses were screaming and his urge to bring his weapon up like anyone else grew, but a trained scout never revealed his thoughts to the unknown, as he knew his team mates would protect him and look out for him. Such was the ways of a scout, to see and to not been seen.*

*This old saying is drilled from the scout sergeants. Meaning that you may see things that attract your attention, but you don't adjust to the situation, immediately you asses it, so that the unknown don't see what you saw. Hence you gain the element of surprise over the surpriser, as they will be unaware of your alertness.

Hand co-ordinated signals allowed the scouts to penetrate the inner workings of the cave, a few hundred metres below the surface in a matter of minutes, as speed was the essence. As they attempted to map out as much of these tunnels as possible before the Orks could retreat into such a place and breed once more. However, as they travelled deeper and deeper underground they sensed something tailing them and that wasn't good.

Scout Lork took up lead point, then Pointer, Helios and Drac guarding the rear of the line, as they used headlights to navigate their way. When they advanced every few hundred metres placing laser trips to detect anyone moving behind them, scout Helios held up the stop signal as he spotted a dot on his auspex as he zoomed out. His eyes gave the signal of movement and they moved more cautiously. As they rounded the next corner, they noticed the walls were getting bigger and that there were faint noises in the background.

On the other hand, it was scout Lork who broke the silence, “These cave formations aren’t natural, someone or something dug them.” Whispered Lork, his voice calm and controlled. However, before scout Helios could respond Lork interrupted. “Contact up ahead, 50 metres on the deck. STATUS: motionless”, Lorks voice a little louder and alert. His eye-sight enhanced to be a dozen times superior to the normal humans, provided by the Occulobe implant. Everyone dropped into tunnel fight formation, with front rank kneeling and the rest standing a bit taller than the team mate in front, to give them all a clearer view to shoot.


Advancing slowly, they paced themselves a coupe of metres away from each other, in case it was a trap that remained undetected near the body. As the scouts moved up, scout Helios was all too aware of the red blip of his auspex flashing more rapidly. When the blip became white Helios; Pointer and Drac turned around, adjusted their positions and open fired in union in a blink of an eye, while Lork tensed himself even more as he kept a keen eye on the body.

The scouts marksmanship was rewarded with sounds of impact and flashes of white as the bolter rounds failed to penetrate the incoming threat. However, as the threat flashed more violently, the perpetrator became more recognisable. Its long elongated metallic limbs and elongated spine, where a skull of terror sat up in and deadly needles arranged upon its hands preparing for a strike as it hovered towards them at dazzling speeds.

Then all hell broke loose.

Scout Drac didn’t have the time to respond until he was ripped to pieces right in front of Helios’s eyes as metal and fear took him away, the repeated strikes missed Helios barely. However, Pointer was not so lucky as he eyes were taken out and blood poured for him eyes as he attempted to put them back in, the creature stuck one claw in his gut and another between his legs and split him apart in a flash. The other scouts seeing what they had just seen fell back towards the body, while covering each other, as one ran and one fired and vise versa.

Suddenly, the assailant disappeared through the wall and left behind a pool of mess and gore. The scouts visibly shaken from the inside and outside, ignored their fallen brethren for now, as their deaths were confirmed and the body wasn’t. Closer inspection revealed something equally as chilling, “The corpse appears to be fizzled away near the edge of the hole as it something dissected atom by atom, no burns or cuts are revealing themselves” Spoke brother Lork, still recovering from the battle. “Take a sample of the corpse near the area of the impact!” Called the scout sergeant, the scout obeyed and took a sample, then placed it into his mouth. “ Nothing sarge, just green flashes and darkness.

One of the seventeen implants to become a marine, Omophagea, which allowed the individual to taste the victims flesh so that they may access some of its recent experiences and memories.

Disappointed by the lack of answers, scout Helios walked over to his deceased brothers and together with brother Lork they applied the appropriate deceased rituals of those that died in combat. Then took their ammo and left, with renewed confidence and hatred burning in their hearts.

thanks
antique_nova
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I started writing up my story again!

Rising up from the depts of the green grass trooper Neil awoke," What...where am i? what is this." His hand moved towards his pocket and hoister, nothing, nothing at all. Then he saw it, large pyramidic strutures glowing green with hunger and crackling energy as the grass turn to dust and the very air dispered as row upon row of skinny metal figures came through the door. The door of death and the portal of green.

The sergeant had already ran, before most of this happened as he watched from behind a tree, the figures were long, elongated, emotionless and walked with the path of death. Scouts suddenly darted from above and below portraying a fight that lasted meer seconds as green flashes dissolved troops and truth alike. Suddenly the world fizzled as the giant structure gave way and the warriors dissappeared, leaving a wasteland of black and tall structures fluctuating in green, markings similar to the giant floating structure from an age past glowed within the darkness.

Then came the figures once more, terrifying they were as they marched with the pace of death and shone like a scyth in the sky. No longer believing this to be real, the sergeant moved towards a figure, who seemed to be in charge, who was centred on a spotless platform with black balls floating around him. The figure looked terrifying, but the mask it wore has slits, the suit it wore had slits, it's form had a hole and it's flesh was barely theire as it clung to the metallic frame. The figure then touched one of the balls with it's staff and the vision changed once more.

"They come, now is the time brothers and sisters, fight the regnirbhtgin, the norcen and fight for our very souls!" The voice elegant, but aged, experienced but calm, a mass of warriors that filled the hillys, the vallies and the field all armoured and all seeming eager for the fight, filled the atmosphere with a cheer and a thunderous warcry. He noticed that the figure beside him was slim, covered in runis and sparkling gems, and somehow they looked familiar and some of the words were not right. Not of this was right, but no longer had he thought about it, he awoke once more, the smell of deth and decay had entered his lungs once more.

"Sarge!" Shouted someone, a voice, finally a voice that he recognised. he kept his psoture and relief as best as he could, as their leader he was to be unrelenting and forever demanding of his brother in arms. "Keith, I see you have regrouped ", playing the cautious game as he spoke, "yes but the marines have gone. No trace of them, nothing." Fear creeped into his voice as the thought of marines being wiped out so quickly stunned him." More will come, more will come" His voice reasuring the trooper as he unscrewed the top of his bottle and drank, till he could drink no more. The trooper used to doing what the sergeant said, copied his actions out of familiarity, but as they drank and drank, they turned to look at the view behind them.

Keith choked, and Neil sprayed water everywhere, as the ground behind was a graveyard, a field of massacre. Blood and bodies littered the ground, space marines and orks alike, the sight of so many dead, so many heros of the imperium was just too much to see. Too hard to swallow, scrweing the lids on their bottles they ran towards the nearest rally point and we glad to find friendly forces their, but the news had not started yet - and things were about to get alot worse.

I would like some help here, it would help if you read the first couple of chapters, but this is jsut a scene to cut you off from the action and witness a moment that happened ages ago.

thanks
antique_nova
 

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I like, you have improved as you kept writing, and you're doing good. They get cleaner and cleaner and more and more interesting, keep up the good work!

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