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Dear All Concerned...
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Dear All Concerned,

Just a series story I am working on now, any feedback and Support or just comments would be greatly appreciated!


Ordo Hereticus

Chapter 1: Crisi

The air shifted as I moved, and the darkness reshaped itself to my new form. I quickly moved my hand to my pistol, undoing the holster and silently removing it. Across the courtyard within the darkness, a faint glow appeared, and shifted, defying the darkness as it screamed in anger. My eyes blinked as they adjusted to the new source of light, and I steadied my feet. In an instant I was across the small alley, thrown against yet another broken wall of this massacred Hive City. A small pool of blood that had collected by my feet, reflected the image of my enemy's resolute features to my eyes. Now was the confrontation, now was the battle. I shifted my weight to my right foot, and readied The Cartographer. The ornate weapon slid out of its holster silently, its golden features playing tricks on the light. The familiar click of its hammer sliding into place filled my ears, and I slowly turned the corner, taking aim and narrowing my vision. My finger extended to the trigger.

A ‘crack’ filled the night, and I slid back into the darkness of the rubble. Shot aborted, I glanced towards the source of the sound. Across the abandoned intersection of decay and rubble, where a street light flashed giving glimpses of time within this darkened city, a small red glow appeared. Then another, and a third. I shifted to the corner, and stole a quick glance, to count four more on my right flank. I tapped my HUD, which flickered to life, and displayed a bird’s eye map via satellite. I scanned the screen, counting twelve red dots, not good. My hand instinctively reached to the Cartographer, and the other to the pins of two smoke grenades. Flipping forward, the hand gripped the two pins and sent the grenades flying, filling the area with smoke. I knew it wouldn’t do me much good, because of the fact that Necrons can sense body heat, but it was more of a comfort thing. I sent my free hand to the wall, and used the momentum from the push off to send me running across the alley again, taking shelter in an abandoned factory. Cartographer in front, I moved while simultaneously sending a whispered message to my advisor. Gauss beams flooded through the walls into the assemble line, and I broke out into a run, kicking in the door of the main office, and working my way to the roof. A hissing noise filled the air, and soon its source appeared. 13ENX47 appear from the Northeast corner of the roof, and hovered over to me, awaiting orders.

“Ben, status update.” I shouted, trying to communicate over the explosive sound of Gauss fire.

A small robotic voice filled the air from Servo Skull 13ENX47, or Ben for short, “Status// Location: Former Hive City Crisi 4765 North/2311 West :: Tactical Situation: Surrounded :: Possible Solutions: Death, Exterminatus, Last Stand, Evac.” The ground smoked nearby where a Gauss beam had just broken through the roof, and after a few small clicks of gears and wires, Ben had readied his small laser.

My eyes were on my HUD again, and I quickly opened a Com. link with the Servitors in my lander; the Cipher.

The Warriors moved stealthy, watching for any sign of movement from the target building. Two more shots cracked from the darkness, and the Warriors assessed the shots as specialized boltgun fire. Another figure fell, scarabs flocking to his body to salvage any remains. The metal faces of the units reflected the remaining bits of light from the fallen city, and the eerie red glow from their weapons illuminated their pathways.

“//SCANNING AREA// ONE LIFE FORM DETECTED-ONE UNKNOWN ELECTRONIC PRESENCE DETECTED// TEN CLOSE PROXIMITY WARRIORS DETECTED// TWELVE WARRIORS EN-ROUTE DETECTED// PROBIBILITY OF SUCESSFUL EXTERMINATION: 98%// INCOMING UNKNOWN VEHICLE DECTECTED// OPENING FIRE// SCANNING VEHICLE// VEHICLE// IMPERIAL AQUI-// Transmission Source Lost//”

Bolter Fire filled the air as the Cipher landed on the fragile roof of the factory, taking out a few of the Warriors that scattered the area around the building. The servitors within quickly opened the Docking Bay doors, and Ben and I were already in a run. The floor behind me blew open, and pain ripped up my leg. I knew they were closing in behind me, and my vision started to go dark. Twenty Meters away, Ben hovered into the Bay, and the doors closed. The Cipher lifted, and continued to fire bolter rounds at the oncoming enemy. Hovering a few feet away from the roof now, the doors opened again, but I knew this may be my last battle. Unclipping one of my remaining grenades, my hands fumbled with the pin. I stumbled, and fell to one knee. The whole world was blurry, and my head spun with a furious anger. Pain lit up my shoulder, like fire to dry leaves, and I was brought back to reality. My clothes sagged with blood, and I soon realized that a large portion of my thigh was missing. I blindly fired a few shots behind me and forced myself to a stand. Only a few more feet now, I rushed towards the edge of the building and fell.

Hope it was worth the read, this is just a rough draft, and more work is to come! This is my first experiance/work with first person stories, so any tips are appreciated greatly!

Thanks so much!

-ythc
 

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Dear All Concerned...
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393 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Dear All Concerned,

Well, thanks for your help on Chat, and I am glad someone decided to reply, haha, I was getting worried, 25 views and 0 replies!

Anyway, thanks so much, more to come!


-ythc
 

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Senior Member
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wha wha what! this is very good! keep going!.... i....i dont think necrons detect heat....but that sounds pretty cool!
 

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Dear All Concerned...
Joined
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393 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Dear All Concerned,

Just a quick update. Sorry to those of you (haha, someone actually reading this, what a joke) that have been waiting for an update, its been a while, but here is the beginning of the next segment.

Still the same guy, just later in time:

Chapter Two: Lost Memories

The small clicks that screamed quietly from my new hand caused my right eye to start to twitch. These new aspects of my reality were a few small prices to pay to be able to continue to serve The Emperor. I tested the gears in my new hand once more, shifting my fingers and forming a fist. The cold steel of these faux fingers reached to my face, unknowing of the small whiskers that formed a light gray shadow upon my visage. I glanced up to the few Private Rank Guardsmen in the Chimera with me. The air inside this tomb was stale, and many of them struggled to hold back coughs. None of the guardsmen looked a day past fifteen, and the whispers among them mostly concerned worry and death. The small crackle of a voice apparatus at my ear forced my concentration to the mission at hand. I rose, and retrieved my pack, forcing myself steady as I began to assemble my armaments. My custom Imperial Shotgun resembled the ancient Winchester Rifle, which I had designed it after. Most of my gear was worn out of custom, combat boots, flak armor, six-revolver-holding vest, overcoat, hat. It was all symbolic of my status as a Witch Hunter.


Hope you enjoyed! Any C&C is welcome!

-ythc
 

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Dear All Concerned...
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393 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·

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oh, woops. I said nice army. I meant NICE STORY! srry, my head was somewhere else.
 
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