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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The Eldar squad quickly reformed their formation (didn't know how else to say it ideas please). The brutal assault left five of their crew dead. Jon steadied his gun as he waited for the Space Marine Army to advance. Another quick glace over his squad showed that he was not the only one fearing what was to come. (while thats all for now don't have time to post the rest.)
 

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Very short. Hideously slow. Jon, a name for an eldar? Use Eldrad.

The remaining guardians reformed and steeled themselves for the next assault from the space marines, their previous one costing five of their number.Eldrad spared a glance over his shoulder to assess his squad. The guardians were nervous, and hands gripped the stocks of their shuriken catapults in tense anticipation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Okay than this story now belongs to you if you know how to write than write it if you read the post it said that it was all i could get on at the time. *cough* Jerk
 

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I assumed, you arrogant little git, that you were asking for aid, since it was so shite, sorry, short, and hence not worthy of being submitted. You should simply have saved it in Word or Notepad rather than posting such an insignificant amount of text.
 

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No need to start verbal abuse here. Keep it civil
 

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Inquisitor, just to tell you that it was a preview of a work if you didn't already know. Since you said it was short I asume you didn't know.
Like MasterBelia said, please you two don't fight over something thats stupid to fight over.
 

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Venerable Old One
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Even as a preview, it is so utterly insignificant as to even be posted.

Heaven forbid he give a little information as to how he intends the storyline to develop.
 

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Yea, he probably should of posted a intro or something but oh well. Lifes just to short to be complaining about stuff that doesn't even matter.
 

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Give the guy a chance...
Although it maybe isn't right to post such a short story here, he should at least still get a chance to expand the story he's starting here.
Personally I think it was a bit short, but if he could expand it it could turn out to be pretty good...
 

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It's kind of... very short I think. Now if you would post some more and give some info (what, where, who) that would be cool. This is so short I'm sure everyone makes things like this up in a few secs. No offense though, but I'd expect more from a preview (like most people).
 

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Nutcase!
How about we seriously try to expand it...
Like this...
"The guys were running around everywhere, everything was destroyed.
No voidships, noone to pick them up...
They were forever lost...
High above on the nightly sky they saw the streak of fire coming down, the Mon'key(or whatever they call the imperials) had found them out.
As the massive warhead of the melta torpedo impacted directly in the Eldar lines, bodies where thrown everywhere, landing heavily on the ground before the blaze of the warhead consumed them again."

That's an ending right?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Sorry i've been on vacation. m I do have it one word but i don't have a floppy bigm enough to get to the computer that has the internet connection in my house and my computer is doesn't have a cd burner .
 

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haha

save it in pieces
 

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Don't mind the critics... they just though it was short...

Just save the story in pieces and we'll be happy to read the rest of it...
 
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