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One Awesome Dude
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey all, just thought I'd post a quick excerpt from my (as yet) unfinished short story called Salvation. It's something I did a couple months ago, and I just wanted to share and perhaps get some friendly advice, no pressure. Be warned however I see myself under no obligation to finish it soon, so, it doesn't come to a happy close and it may never.

Just a warning for those of your who really get into what they are reading (though I doubt this is all that absorbing). Anyway, here it goes.




Salvation
Written and Copyrighted by Justin Borden - 2010 (c)​

EDIT: I've removed the story to help try and protect my copyright and such, I didn't want it floating around on the web on a permanent basis. Thanks much to Dreadstar for his faithful comments and good luck to all the other writers out there!
 

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Sir Proofreader
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4,251 Posts
Well, I though it was interesting. I'm already wondering how (or even if) the two narrative lines are related, despite you saying you might not add to this and thus meaning I might never know for sure!

I'm afraid I must point out a rather serious flaw, though.

A 'dead' satellite wouldn't fall. Yes, satellite orbits do deteriorate over time, but it takes hundreds of years. So simply losing contact with all the satellites, while devastating to communications and seemingly to people's cars in this setting (why are the buses still working, though?) wouldn't cause them to plummet to earth.

Also, said satellites would have to be pretty big to actually reach the surface intact. I don't know how big, but certainly the ones we put up there now would be dust long before they made it to the surface.

But otherwise the story is fine, as far as I can see. Nice work!
 
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One Awesome Dude
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks much for reading (again!) dude.

And I do realize that the satelite thing is pretty 'iffy'. For the moment I'm hiding behind the futuristic setting - the satelites are a bit more durable in the future (and thus may survive re-entry long enough to impact) and in the future we may no longer be required to leave satelites in a regular constant orbit. I believe the words were "controlled orbit" in the story, hopefully implying that their orbits weren't the natural cyclical kind we rely on now. However, those are shady excuses, I'll probably need to change that around somehow.

Again, thanks for reading and if I have some extra time I'll see if I can try and push this story along (yet again, no promises).
 

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Sir Proofreader
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I had thought of a solution to your satellite issue, but was kind of in a rush on my last post so thought I might come back to it.

Obviously just making them bigger is fine, that works okay. More durable is also quite understandable - there's already a lot of 'junk' we've put up there in to orbit, and thus if we have larger satellites they're more likely to get hit and may need a bit more structural integrity so we don't have to be constantly replacing/repairing them.

On the falling from orbit thing, it might just work to say that, rather than simply losing contact with them, all the control centres recorded a burst of static, saw telemetry data indicating their satellites were altering their orbits, and then they lost contact all together. I'm not quite sure how you would explain it in the context of your story - maybe there's been a hidden program inside the satellites all the time, maybe someone else has taken control (either of the satellites or of the systems that control them), I don't really know.

I've actually just had another thought - would it be even more sinister to leave the control centres able to see the satellites, to see exactly what was happening to them, but to be unable to transmit anything to them? It would work particularly well if there was also one satellite on a direct collision course with the control centre - they can see their doom approaching, and either have to stay and attempt to avert it or flee and know they'll have no chance at all to stop it.

Again, I'm not sure how such a setup would come about, but perhaps it's something you can see working.
 
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