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It seems good, but I agree with Inquisitor. I am, however, going to state my point in a way that doesn't reduce your self-esteem to a yellowish gunk. When you say "feet," it sort of detracts from the story's alien element. When writing about the landscapes of the year 40,000 or thereabouts, it helps you use made-up but cool sounding measurements, especially for races like Eldar or Tau. When people read and get into your story, they start getting absorbed, but saying something like "feet" or a colloquialism from the 21st century brings them back with a yank and disrupts the story. Check out Inquisitor's or my fluff for good examples or alien worlds. Remember, you're not just writing a story, you're adding onto a massive existing tapestry of stories and backgrounds.
 
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