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Venerable Old One
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Chaos career's video..


*A corny sound track plays, something akin to a ZZ Top track, a figure emerges out of the gloom, as he comes further into the light, we see he is a Chaos Space Marine.*

Lito: I am Sergeant Lito of the Alpha Legion! You have recieved this training video *free* from your local Cultist movement!
In this film, I will show you the most excellent advantages of betraying the false emperor and serving the almighty Chaos Gods!

*Screen fades to scenes of Chaos Space Marines massacring Imperial Space Marines.*

Lito(Voice Over): By betraying the weakling Emperor,you can find your true niche in life by joining one of the Black Crusades, extinguishing all life in a murderous rampage!

*On screen, a CSM, Harkon, turns to the camera*

Harkon (While dismembering Ultramarine): Since joining the Black Crusades, I've found this almighty new power to smite my foes! Thankyou, Khorne! *Smiles, teeth reflects with glare of a thousand suns*

Lito (Voice Over, Continuing): And with a choice of FOUR, yes, FOUR patron gods, you too can be enslaved in the Legion of your choice!

*Screen cuts from Ultramarine massacre to World Eaters scything their way through an Ork horde*

Lito (VO): Join the World Eaters and you get issued your own Chainaxe, and instilled by Khorne himself a lust for all blood!

*As one the World Eaters turn and grin at the camera, their smiles dazzling as their arms move and dismember Orks without any apparent concious thought..
Screen cross fades to Plague Marines swiping through Imperial Guardsmen*

Lito (VO,Disgust evident in his voice): Or if youre just plain wierd, or have a Hannibal Lecter complex, join the Infested Legion of Father Nurgle!

*Nurgle Marines turn to the camera and leer insolently, screen fades to Thousand Sons in a library*

Lito(VO):If you have a taste for knowledge and Sorcery, join the Thousand Sons, and the arcane knowledge of all the Galaxy can be yours for a nominal fee of £999.99p!

*A TS CSM turns to the camera*

TS CSM:On my Imperial homeworld, the weaklings hated and persecuted me for my innate Sorcery talents! But Tzeench himself has blessed me and look what I can do now!

*A bundle of pulsating green energy appears in his palm, he throws it out of shot, we hear the sound of melting flesh and screaming*

TS CSM: And all thanks to my local Cultist movement!

*Screen cuts to pink cushions,camera pans upward to reveal VERY scantily clad Daemonettes and Emperors Children Space Marines*

Lito(VO): Last, but by no means least, the Emperors Children can guide you to experience the pleasure of the tender passions!

*A CSM looks up from the Daemonette he is admiring*

EC CSM: My dreams of making it with the ladies have finally come true with expert tutelage from Daemonettes of the almighty Slaanesh!

*Screen fades to Lito, who stands with his arms by his sides*

Lito: All this and MORE can be yours by joining the Chaos Cultist movement! Sell your soul today!

*Screen fades to black, corny soundtrack ends...*
 

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664 Posts
God, That almost made me want to sell my soul!
But id definately do it for slaanesh
 

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Senior Member
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1,019 Posts
Ahahahahahaha

That was great (wipes tear). :D

That made me want to sign up!
 

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447 Posts
lol! I actually like the Tzeentch part, where he absent-mindedly fries some guy offstage :w
 
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