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My first attempt at some fluff (ever) for a Chapter I want to make. The army on the tabletop will use codex blood angels.

The Blood Wanderers

spacemarine.jpg


Chapter Master: Jorakaan Harthe


Homeworld: Recruitment world Zeran (maintains a small satelitte force around Zeran), maintains a small battle fleet along with a battle barge named Signalis II.


Geneseed: Blood Angels


Symbol: Infinity sign made up of 2 blood droplets turned horizontal


Colors: red, black, and gold


Specialties: jump assault squads, drop pod assaults, scouts


Current Chapter Strength: fluctuates between 550 – 800


Battle Cry: “Let the Blood of ourEnemies flow throughout Time Itself!




Beginning History of the Blood Wanderers:


The Chapter was established in 609.M41. They were situated at the eastern fringe of the galaxy between Lunaphage and Bork. They were also given the planet Zeran, a unified feudal world with over 500 years of gladiatorial tradition. It was a perfect recruitment world for the Blood Wanderers and over the next 60 years they grew to over full strength. The Chapter was recruiting far faster than its losses incurred at the time and Chapter confidence in winning wars was high. The Blood Wanderers grew to a strength of around 1,100 before something known as “The Lost Journey.”


Late in the year 669.M40 the event known as the “The Lost Journey”, known at the time as “The Great Search,” caused a schism between the chapter. Many of the Chapters newer initiates and some other veterans from almost half of its companies were sent on a long campaign. They were led by the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] Company Captain Vakerahn Elnn. Elnn and the ones sent were ordered by Terra herself into the space beyond the Ghoul Stars and much of the eastern edge of the galaxy. The Blood Wanderers were supposed to seek out lost human planets, and explore unbeknownst areas of space, long lost to imperial mappers and scholars. What happened on that quest into the unknown would change the Blood Wanderers Chapter forever.


On the return nearly 80 years later in 749.M41, that half of the chapter, which had been reduced to less than half of the ships than what they were formally, returned from their mission. The return was unexpected because they were expected nearly 30 years earlier and with many more ships. No contact from them in that time span had been heard of. When the lost ships exited the warp near the space around Zeran the lead ship immediately called for assistance and said that boarding action was necessary to drive off xenos intruders. The main battle barge of the Blood Wanderers known as the “Signalis” was sent to retrieve and assist the lost fleet, while also to greet their battle brothers once again after those 80 long years. What met them on board the scatterings of ships and corvettes that made up the return party was not what they were expecting.


The Blood Wanderers were expecting a fight, they were expecting a meeting of old friends fighting off vile alien xenos on board their ships, they were expecting a few quick battles with an ending of the reuniting between the two parts of the Chapter. The reuniting they received was of an entirely different nature.


Upon arrival into the numerous ships of the lost expedition through boarding pods, the Space Marines of the Blood Wanderers were at first confused. As they opened their hatches and stepped foot into these old ships they were not met with gunfire or old faces, but dusty and empty coffins. The ships servitors had been stripped and left only half functional, and no heat signatures from bodies were picked up by scanners. The human crew of the ships were either nonexistent or bones strewn across the decks. The Chapter Master at the time, Raithe Guwitan still sitting in the command room of the barge soon realized what fate was about to bring to him, but it was too late. He called for his boarding crews to immediately exit the lost ships of the Blood Wanderers and return to the battle barge Signalis, but it was too late. Each and every ship of The Great Search self destructed with all boarding marines on still on deck. It had been an ambush of the utmost cunning, and a power move by an unknown enemy. Each ship had marines that were instantly sent to their doom in fiery tomes. Master Guwitan realized what the situation could mean. He knew that this was most likely not the end of the ambush. He called upon the rest of the fleet to meet with the battle barge and prepare for a possible secondary ambush attack.


Only a few minutes after the self destruction of the former questing ships, a huge warp hole opened up directly in front of the battle barge. What exited space was something Chapter Master Guwitan was not ready for. A huge conglomeration of smaller ships, which looked to be smashed together into a ship greatly larger than the battle barge. It was a space hulk of epic proportions. From its bow to stern it was covered in what looked like human and alien flesh. Much of the ship looked dysfunctional but seemed powered by unknown methods. Guwitan and the remainder of the Blood Wanderers were under attack with in seconds of its arrival and with much of his boarding squads previously massacred minutes ago, this would be a war for each and every marine's life.Not to mention the lives of Zeran's entire population as well.


The battle that ensued was known as “The Battle of Sacrifice.” The Blood Wanderers quickly realized that they were not up against xenos, but rather their traitorous battle brothers, who had been gone for those 80 years and had seemingly taken control of a space hulk. It was mainly a ship to ship battle between the barge and the hulk but Blood Wanderer support vessels also did their parts. The battle itself was beginning to look like a dire stalemate until the enemy conglomeration of ships along with the space hulk fired numerous boarding pods into the battle barge Signalis. Upon one of those pods was Vakerahn Elnn, who 80 years ago was the captain of the 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] Company. His party of traitor marines, many of who were mutated by chaos fought their way through a few decks to the command view port on the Signalis. Knowing that the battle was about to be lost Master Raithe Guwitan ordered the immediate evacuation of all remaining marines and personnel to the planet Zeran below. Numerous escape and drop pods from ships all around the barge and the barge itself went planet side. Guwitan's last order sent to his marines was to set their ships on a course with the enemy hulk of a ship. Just before Elnn and his traitorous marines made it to the command level where Guwitan and his honor guard were stationed, Guwitan sent the doomed battle barge into the enemy ship as well. No one knows if Guwitan and Elnn encountered each other and fought before the Signalis and many other craft crashed into the hulk with full thrusters, but one thing is for certain the force of the impact of the ships were enough to push the small space hulk back into the warp or possibly destroy it. For the marines that escaped that day only a few remained. The Chapter had been put down to a measly strength of around 250 marines. It would take the next couple hundreds of years to rebuild the Chapter to what it once was, but the Blood Wanderers still work to regain what they once were.


Moreabout the Blood Wanderers:


Traditions:


All recruits for the Blood Wanderers are from the planet Zeran and from the gladiatorial games. The young gladiators who perform the greatest are given the honor of trying to become a space marine, while those that don't perform as well in the games are either killed, used as slaves by medieval lords on the planet, or are sometimes inducted into Imperial Guard regiments.


Before scouts are allowed to fully become part of the Chapter they must pass a final test that is known as “The Wandering.” It is seen as a kind of reenactment of the The Lost Journey from over 300 years ago,but on a much smaller scale. Scouts must go out close to the fringe of the galaxy and under extreme veteran supervision (veterans approved by the Chapter Master himself) must live and fight on a hostile death world for a year and make the return. The survivals of this trial are sworn into the chapter by the veterans that supervised them on the journey and the Chapter Master himself.


Blood Wanderers who become exceptionally graced in the art of combat as well as having taken an oath of silence and obedience to the Emperor, Sanguinius and Chapter Master will often go the path of the Blade Guards. These are the personal guard of the Chapter Master and Company Captains. They wear artificer armor and are sometimes robed to represent their humble mentality to battle. (They are Blood Wanderers specialist units that count as Sanguinary Guard.)


The Blood Wanderers lack much of what connects them with their parent chapter the Blood Angels. They experience the Red Thirst and have a certain quest for blood though. This is often represented in their obsession with the gladiatorial battles and duels that take place on Zeran. Often some veteran Blood Wanderers have been known to consume some of the blood of their defeated enemies. Though they claim it to be traditional, many from outside services see it as heretical and borderline Chaos. Some Blood Wanderers still experience the Black Rage during some battles and must be put into their own companies, but not the extent of many other Blood Angels successor Chapters.


Their doctrine towards combat is similar to that of the Blood Angels in that they employ elite assault squads and have a certain determination to get close with the enemy in close combat. They emphasize speed and individual weapons training, with many marines using all sorts of their preferred weapons in close combat. These tactics herald all the way back to each marines days in the arenas where they must explore their own ways of winning duels and fights with all sorts of enemies.


A Short History of Current Chapter Master: Jorakaan Harthe


Jorakaan Harthe was born on Veran only a few days after the events of the return of the old Blood Wanderers from The Lost Journey.He was born a slave to a distasteful noble lord that took no pity on his slaves, and threw most of them into the gladiator games. As he was growing up he remembered memories from his past and soon realized that the lord he served had killed his family, taken their money,belongings, and life in a power grab. Swearing vengeance he was determined to fight his way through and up the ranks of the gladiator ranks until he was near the top. He knew he could not use brute force because at the age of 13 he had to use cunning and swiftness to win his matches. After he had won many matches and he he gained the love and attention of audiences from all around the continent.


As his lord got rich from the winnings and rose to further power, Harthe also gained from it and become well off in living. Yet he was still a slave. Harthe could not except this minuscule fate and the last straw came one night when he overheard his master making a deal. His master had bet against him with a robed and hooded conspirator who sought to give Harthe a fight he had no way of winning, a fight against a creature not from this planet. His master sought the riches that Harthe had gained. Jorakaan Harthe realized that revenge and freedom for himself was worth more than any riches or applause his master or the audience could bring.


The day of the fight a few days later Jorakaan Harthe was ready and prepared. As he entered the arena and saw his opponent he realized that he could be outmatched. His opponent was neither human nor any beast he had ever seen. From the door on the other side of the arena came what he later found out to be called a Tyranid Tyrant Guard. He spotted his lord in the stands near the edge of the arena and he knew what had to be done. After dodging the Tyrant Guards charges and attacks he let it charge at him right below where his lord was sitting. The Tyrant Guard lacking any leadership or guidance crashed into the side of the arena as Harthe jumped and vaulted off the back wall at the last second. He then landed on the backside of the Tyrant Guard. Running forward across the Guard's back he leaped into the stands right on top of his lord. There was a good uproar from the crowd as Harthe grabbed his lord by the collar of his garbs.


The audience didn't care for his lord's life, Harthe's or that of the Tyrant Guard's, they just wanted blood. Harthe threw his Lord's plump body into the arena and took his Lord's place in the stands. The crowd cheered and hailed Harthe for such a daring maneuver and an even more daring act, as the Lord was butchered alive by the Tyrant Guard. Waiting until the Tyrant Guard was finished with his former master he jumped back into the arena to finish his job of defeating the Tyrant Guard. The the rest is history.

Please give me tips on my fluff and how to improve my writing (I wrote all this in 1 sitting about 3-4 hours for reference). Thanks!
 

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Double Clutching Weasel
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Please give me tips on my fluff and how to improve my writing (I wrote all this in 1 sitting about 3-4 hours for reference). Thanks!
Always glad to see some extra fluff. Thanks for writing all this out.

The only advice I'm going to give is on the technical writing aspects. First off, the only way to get better is to practice, practice, practice. So keep on writing. And share it, we love to read creative works.

Now, the biggest improvement I see in your writing is this: don't use "past participles" in your work. Ever. A past participle is the enemy. We, as writers, don't like those. They make your writing look weak. Little, wimpy sentences and flaccid prose. We want your writing to be strong. Not just strong. We want big, manly words that communicate like a sledgehammer to the face.

"What are past participles?" you ask. Well, it's any time you lead a verb with a word like "was" or "were" or "has been". Let's look at examples in your writing:

The Chapter was established in 609.M41.
They were situated...
They were also given...
That is just the first three sentences of your background. But all of that is fine. This is just the first draft that you wrote in one sitting over a meager few hours. It's not supposed to be polished right out of the gate. These are just ideas thrown down on paper. The next step is to go back and polish it. Re-write it. Hunt down those past participles. Destroy those evil past participles.

Because they are the enemy.

Repeat after me:

"WHAT IS THE ENEMY?"

"PAST PARTICIPLES ARE THE ENEMY!"

Now go forth. Write and create.


EDIT: The proper term for this type of writing is "passive voice". It is that "passive voice" that you want to try to avoid. Easiest way to avoid writing in "passive voice" is to avoid past participles. And, to bring this full circle, what are past participles?
 

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Nice narrative, it was enjoyable even though I HATE all Space Marines. (except for those who have wisdom to accept Grand-Father Nurgle's commands)
 
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