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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i found this on another forum, i thought it was pretty funny

1.More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully half of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3.In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravvaged entire nations.
4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.
5.Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative.
-99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
-100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
- 99.9 of all communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
-99.7 of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread
within six months preceeding the accident.
- 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes were bread was frequently served.
6. Evidence points to the long-term affects of bread eating: of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a mortality rate of 100%.
7.Bread is made of a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a tea spoon can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American person eats more bread than that in one day!
8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidnece of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease, and osteoporosis.
9. Bread has proven to be highly addictive. Subjects deprived of their bread and given only water eat, begged for bread after as little as tow days!
10. Bread is often a "gateaway" food item, leading to "harder" items
such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
11. Bread has proven to absorb water. Since the human body is compromised of more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
13. Bread is baked at a temperatures as high as 400 degrees fahrenheit! This kind of heat can kill a person in less than a minute.
15. Most bread-users are utterly unable to distinguish between scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
15. In the light of these frightning statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
-No sale of bread to minors.
-A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaing, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
-A 300% federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
-No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children), may be used to promote bread usage.
- The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
 

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I heard this one before. Soldiers always have bread in their rations and bread is so common, these statements are true, but people who eat bread before going on an airplan still have the same chance of an accident as anyone else :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
shas like i said i found it on another forum
 

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Somehow so unreal... yet so true.
 
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