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Herein is the journal of Alexander Megras, Battle Brother of the Space Marine

Chapter Name: The Praetorians
Genetic Origins: Unknown, believed to be Dark Angels. Gene-seed is stable at the moment
Chapter Colours: Silver with red and gold trim
Unique Characteristics: Eyes, pupils and all, are completely blue. Hair is usually thick, light brown and worn in long braids in the style of the ancient Spartans. All Praetorians have great knowledge of and see great worth in history
Homeworld: Antioch V in the Antioch system
Heraldy: A lion's head in profile
Warcry: The barritus, also derived from ancient history, begins as a low moaning noise which builds in pitch and volume until it becomes an enormous roar.


Day 1.
My 1101st birthday today. I received a new bolter, a set of playing cards and this journal, which I am using now. My name is Alexander Megras, Battle Brother of the Praetorians, a 23rd Founding Chapter, I am one thousand, one hundred and one years old and I serve in the 2nd Company. Went down to the lake for a hearty swim to work out the extra lungs. Is raining hard, I couldn't really tell when lake stopped and land started.

Day 2.
Played cards with the Dreads. Damn they're good, but playing with them is a little creepy. All they ever talk about is where they died and when they died and how they died. I prefer not to think about it. The Cap'n assigned me to repaint the bikes, I painted them red and stuck a bumper sticker on each one that said "My other ride is your mother"

Day 3.
Had to take off the bumper stickers, the Chaplain was not amused. I just learned we're to be deployed to some asshole of a planet called Laminas II, the Tyranids are bearing down on it and the Guard won't be enough to hold 'em off. We're on the same ship as the Ultramarines... great

Day 4.
Got onto the Battle Barge we'll be sharing with the Ultra-smurfs. Those blue bastards think they're all superior with their stable geneseed. This ship is big and boring and we'll probably spend days in The Warp. Played cards with the Dreads, they started making jokes.

Q: How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to screw in the lighbulb and the other to shoot him for knowing how a lightbulb works

Q: What do Orks call the Emperor of Mankind on a go-cart?
A: Da Empokart!

Q: What's a Tyranids favourite food?
A: Everything

That last one has me a little disconcerted. I've never met 'Nids before

Day 5.
I figured out how to put music onto the comm. link. Awesome! Very relieved because of that. Under the static of the link I could here voices whispering to me, voices from the Warp

Day 6.
Everyone's hearing the voices now, during my sleep I listen to things thrashing against the hull of our ship. The entire Battle Barge is high on tension, inter-Chapter fist-fighting erupted at lunch today when an Ultra-idiot shoved ahead of a Praetorian in the line. I broke on of those bastard's noses. Awesome! Played some more cards with the Dreadnoughts, but even they seem on edge lately. The Terminators are deathly quiet and have begun to load their bolters, slowly and deliberately, one bullet at a time. I noticed they're loading with psycannon bolts.

Day 7.
As I wandered the ship, I noticed all the veteran Marines in the Company have begun sharpening their chainswords. The whisperings and thrashings have grown more common and louder now. Everywhere I go I can hear the Chaos outside talking to me, it wants to take me away, to make me see. The hull has begun to groan, as if under great pressure

Day 8.

Day 9.

Day 10.

Day 11.
The Dreads have stopped playing cards, that's how serious things have become. They are ready to fight at a moment's notice. The hull sounds as if it's ready to give way. Chaplain Petrus led us in a sermon, praying to the Emperor for our protection from the ravagings of The Warp. I have made my peace with the Emperor, and I stand ready, even if I die beside the Ultra-smurfs.

Day 12.

Day 13.
It has found us.
 

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I suck... Maiden neck...
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its a bit weird in the end really. Lots of fluff-errors...

But it made me laugh, keep it up!8Y
 

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The Dreadnoughts are awesome..."All they ever talk about is where they died and when they died and how they died." Lulz.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Sorry to disappoint Imperialis, but i'm glad you had a laugh.,


Day 14.
I tell ya, this goddamn alternate dimension. Just as it sounds like the Gellar field is gonna give way and our mettle would be tested against the mad demons of Chaos, the voices stopped their low chantings and mutterings, and instead we heard a single voice, nasally and most definetely adolescent
But MOOOOOOOOOOM
And then another voice, louder and more feminine
Ca'karsch'narak, Raper of Planets, you leave that tin can ALONE!
Then the nasally voice of "Ca'karch'narak" was heard again
Ah man, I never get to have any fun
And just like that, the groanings of the ship and stress on the Gellar field were relieved and we never heard those whisperings again.

Day 15.
Arrived at Laminas II today. Like I wrote earlier, an asshole of a planet. The sky is brown and the dirt is yellow-brown. I am thoroughly convinced this is the sphincter of the galaxy. Anyways, the Tyranids arrive in fifteen hours, off to prepare

Day 16.

Day 17

Day 18.
Holed up a tower of what used to be a church of some kind, I blocked off the stairs down with the carcasses of several Gaunts, now i'm stuck on the little platform at the top of the tower. Got cut off from my Battle Brothers. At least Tyranids can't climb... can they?

Day 19.
I'm hearing shooting, shouts and sounds like explosions off in the distance, I hope my Brothers are winning.

Day 20.
Oh great, now it's Orks! An entire tribe came down last night and drove off the Tyranids. Some tribe calling themselves the Choppa Boys. Never rains, it only pours. I hope the Dreads rescue me, Orks respect Dreads the most for their shooty and stompy aspects.

Day 21.
I heard more shooting, explosions, shouting and now WAAAAGH!ing throughout the night. Maybe my Brothers have come to rescue me? Oh great... oh great. It's the Smurfs.
 

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I love the way it's completely serious but at the same time completely farcical...it's awesome...I'm subscribed too.
 

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hmmm i'll continue reading. Reminds me of the chaos space marine journal thats floating around on the web....somewhere, so good job so far
 

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Great stuff. I'll subscribe. I want to see this to the end.
 

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Great stuff, count me in too.8Y

Be aware that a moderator may move this to the jokes and funny stuff section but im glad I found it beforehand.
 

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Formerly BrotherAzriel
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Haha this is great, expect some rep if the next part is a s good!!!
 
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