King Ulrik Flamebeard said:â€œOI!! Wipe ye bleeding feet!! I've just cleaned there!! What? Speak up boy. Oh you're knew here.. well in that caseâ€?
â€œWelcome to Librarium-Online. I'll give you a quick show round, now stick close as it's rather bloody big about here. Now I ask you not to poke your finger into the cell bars, many occupants bite and I don't have Grephaun close by to sew them back on. Now I'm King Ulrik Flamebeard and yes I'm a dwarf... Who's sniggering at the back?! We have a place you your kind!! Now.. a few questions;
Are you allergic to any of the following;
Cheese or beards?
Slobbering giant bugs?
Fairies.. sorry Elves?
No? Good. Right, lets get under way.
Right.. first this hallway is our upper section, this one we have the important folk 'nob nobbing ' it in the Announcements room. Then there's those slaves privileged enough to work up here, we keep them in this area called Help But I'd steer clear... not safe for a young un. Oh and here we also have a lounge area we like to call General Discussion and Off Topic here you'll discover words such as 'Microsoft' and 'real life' whatever they are. Down those steps there we have a number of sections, these deal with groups or clans of some such.. oh and one has topics such as religion going on there. But that one's invite only I'm afraid â€“ elitists.
Now here we lock away the creative ones. Keeps the stupid masses from corrupting them or some such.. this door on the left we whip our slaves in the arts of Painting and Conversion. Further down on the right we have the Rules Development section, those clever enough are locked in there â€“ though we need constant guards. Many try to escape. Foolish.
Ah this floor is our future. Well it's a future, don't ask. Well this is the 40,000[/] section, I think the number is suppose to be something like how many years ahead they are. I gave up trying to figure it out about three centuries ago, not worth the hassle. I hear that there's beings in 'Power Armour' up there. Sounds like knights to me, I bet their armour is dwarven made no manling could make them as good. I also hear of large bugs and orks, the latter I may have the solution to. An axe to the head, works down here. Anyway, I can't make up those stairs with me bad legs, so we'll skip the visit there. Next up the normal realms. Here you'll find....
What in Grungni's name?!?! Who gave the snottlings ale? You GROBI!! I discover it's you and you'll be meeting ye bloody Gods quicker than ye'd like!
Sorry about that, this here is a bar we have. No official name but most call it the Fantasy Battles fair name I suppose. Can't stop now though, more to see first. Now this floor is a mix match of stuff, so be sure to read the signs well so you don't get mixed up. Further down we have the room of make believe or as it's generally known the RPG section. Be prepared to meet many with multiple personality complexes here. And the lesser sections below here are the Gamers Hangout, something to do with a computer whatever one of those is. Finally we come to the lesser used rooms; to your left is the Rumours section, for spreading things about â€“ note all Nurgle worshippers are banned from here, we had a nasty case of Nurgle's Rot earlier this year. Then at the far end of the hall is the barter lounge, here you may enter the Trading Area to trade with members; but do so at your own risk. In this door here we have the scribes working away at stories and tales in the Fiction area, maybe even get one to look at our history.
Oh you may also want to know about the slave drivers... umm.. mods I mean. Well here's us -
The main ones to visit if you have problems are;
Deadly Nightshade â€“ This one has a superiority complex, so be prepared to bow and scare before her. But a sacrifice or chocolate wouldn't go amiss.
Hard Aun â€“ The Old Man, a shot of whisky and a warm blanket for his aching joints and he'll be more than happy to help.
Phobos â€“ The hard nut of LO, annoy him and feel his clue-by-four. No that's not an innuendo
Toastee â€“ A fox trapped in a human body. Odd but helpful.
Grephaun - The site's doctor. Very helpful young lass, but be wary do wrong by her and you will find yourself sewn up in a dysfunctional way for she knows the vulnerable parts of the human body. Though I dared say she'd be up to finding out the same for elves or big bugs..
CryoGenFX - Hmm. the less said the better. This one is now admin though..
Vindkall - Another of the Norse beings on here, watch him for he is the sneaky. Also he's army trained.
Oh and of course myself; King Ulrik Flamebeard - The resident green skinned naked, slanneshi dwarf. Well according to some I am.
You'll need these paperwork, just sign on the dotted line â€“ or if you can't write a mark of some kind will do. You'll need to read this first;
Rules and FAQ
I think that's all, now to get back you turn left there, to the end of the corridor then take the second right fork and continue for the count of ten before turning left and finally enter the door on your right.
Thanks for using Kuffy Tours I hope you enjoy your stay with us.â€?