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This is the information on my Army, Deciever wrote the story below, see what u can do if you want. I think it could make a great story if you are creative enough.
(Just so you know Akratil didnt fall at all, ignore that part LOL)

Name :Akratils BloodRite! (Black Templar)

1 Emperors Champion Akratil MaliKhan
1 Razor Back
4 Tactical Squads (9 marines each)
2 Veteran Squads (10 mariens each)
2 Jump pack assault squads (9 marines each)
2 Bike Squadrons
1 Attack Bike Squadron
12 Terminators
2 Dreadnoughts
2 Landraiders

I have fought chaos, necrons, dark eldar, bood angels, Tau, Imperial Guard, and Orcs.


Amongest the hardened forces of the Black Templar, there are many eager candidates for training and re-deployment to a unit of Grey Knights, those fanatical Inquisitors. Even the withdrawn and secretive Templar harbor, deep within their breast, a deep hate for the forces of Chaos. Every year, many recruits are inducted into the gleaming orders of the Ordo malleus. But what happens to those who don't quite make the cut? Those too fanatical and zealous even for the Inquisitors to take? Whispered rumors surround disappearances of especially fanatical Templar. One of the most famous rumors connects these dangerously zealous troops to a name out of a children's fairy tale: Akratail Malikhan. According to a legend told by the older Marines and passed along to each new generation of new recruits, Akratil was related to the Primarch of the Black Templars chapter. His exact relation changes with each telling, but one part of the telling remains unchanged: Akratil wanted to be Primarch. He organized a scheme to assassinate the current Primarch, but it was botched. His relative heard of Akratil's involvement, but, unable to stand ordering him killed, he put him in charge of the Blood Rite: Marines that were so zealous about Daemonhunting that they proved dangerous to their fellows, but were, for whatever reason, not inducted into the Ordo Malleus. These Marines are a crack fighting force, and not to be underestimated as "washouts." Akratil has single-handedly made them into a force that strikes fear into the hearts of the vile servants of Chaos wherever they are found. Recently, the Crusade from the Eye of Terror has plunged them into the thick of the fighting, battling Chaos troops, Orks, renegade Imperial Guard troops and Space Marines, Necrons, and Dark Eldar with equal abandon. They have even been involved in border skirmishes with the Tau empire. The Blood Rite is gaining fame rapidly, and was the turning point at the Battle of Sigma Sintiari, against the hordes of the Chaos Champion Vol-Guiyash, where their Terminators caught the opponents in a deft pincer movement, all but eradicating them. Akratil was famed as a tactical genius before his "fall," and if the rumors about him leading the Blood Rite are true, it is indeed a dark time for the foes of the Emperor.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thank you for your help blood god, your army sure sounds good enough to be put in a book, tell me about a couple of the battles you've had so I can get the details of what happened, could you send me a couple of pictures or tell me the wargear on your guys so I can describe them. I also nneed your real name if that if that is okay with you so I know who helped me, thankyou for your time
 

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For the final, last and not-first time, he didn't "fall" in battle! He fell from grace! As in, high-ranked people stopped liking him as much because he tried to kill them! Sheesh!
 

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here you go try beating this, another of decievers work.

heres what i gave him:


Army: cadian 666th
commander: heroic senior officer ...
second in command: 3 liuetenants -?,?,?
Type: cadian - imperial guard
Planet/system: cadia
History: company raised on cadia then they were posted on armageddon. after armageddon they helped keep back the chaos forces in abaddons 13h black crusade. fought umerous batles against the blac legion. they got slaughtered against some death guard and were heavily reinforced with youth cadets and ogryns were assigned to them.


and heres what he gave me back

The face of the Imperial Guard is the hard-bitten, tough veteran, but the vast majority of the footsloggers of the infantry are green boys, fresh from agri-worlds and hive-planets. Forces are constantly in rotation, and no platoon exemplifies this more than the Cadian 666th. This is a very old unit, founded before the Heresy. They served with distinction during the Heresy, and fought fiercely in all of Abaddon's crusades, earning victory after victory against the foul troops of Chaos. They clashed again and again with the Death Guard of the Black Legions, and proved their worth again on the planet of Armageddon. The senior officer, Colonel Karl El'Johnson, is a descendant of the legendary Lion El'Johnson of the Dark Angels chapter of Space Marines, and has inherited some of the war hero's tactical genius. However, during Abaddon's 13th crusade, their luck turned bad. A unit of Death Guard set up a cunning ambush, slaughtering many of the new troops assigned to 666th. The forces have been replaced, but the air in the platoon is uneasy know, as they have tasted bitter defeat. The once proud platoon has fallen somewhat from glory, but remain one of the most steadfast and loyal protectors of the Emperor, especially with the transfer of several Ogryns into their number. El'Johnson is determined to bring his unit back to glory, whatever the cost.
 

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You should read some of the existing Warhammer 40k books for inspiration. I really like Nightbringer. Maybe it's just 'cause I play Necrons, but I think that it was very interesting and well-written. Scads of background info.
 

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Originally posted by commissar ibram gaunt@Sep 9 2003, 18:02
thank you for your help blood god, your army sure sounds good enough to be put in a book, tell me about a couple of the battles you've had so I can get the details of what happened, could you send me a couple of pictures or tell me the wargear on your guys so I can describe them. I also nneed your real name if that if that is okay with you so I know who helped me, thankyou for your time
Battles Hmm, well Ive had battles with Chaos as stated above, I would have top say that the 2nd toughest battle I had was with Blood Angels and Eldar vs My Templar and Dark Angels. As for the specifics about the battle (turns, moves) it was quite a while ago. we won, but it came at a large cost on the Dark Angels side, he played recklessly and he got hammered, at least it gave me plenty of time to position my hevy artillery and deep strike in really weak spots to absolutely devestate most of the enemies army. I think the game lasted like 20 minutes, my partner got really lucky on some of his rolls. needless to say they gave up after loosing most of there army in one solid attack
 

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Color scheme is Black with a red were the white should be, to signafy BloodRite
Dreadnought - twin linked Lascannon - extra armor
termies - all lightning claws except for Sergents who is armed with storm bolter and power sword
Assualt Squad - each squad armed the same
2 armed with plasma pistols
all have melta bombs
Bike Squads - all the same
2 armed with melta guns
Sargents upgraded to vetran sergents
Land raiders (both) - extra armor
Emporers Champion
thats all i can remember off hand, im kinda not infront of the army. that should do you though. how long do you think it would take you to write the story? If its good ill post it on my website that im creating
 

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Commissar, I shall read what you write with scrutiny. Your mere asking for ideas for a whole book implies a general lack of A) Understanding of the english language, B ) Lack of commitment to see it through, and C) A poor understanding of the 40k universe.

I doubt it would best Deciever's work, let alone my own.

(No disrespect to Deciever, but since most of my fiction are stories typically of around 10,000 words, I feel I have a slight advantage as far as experience goes.)
 

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ok i have just looke din the writers corner and your novels are long, realy long. i doubt i wil be reading one soon. i dont like just reading huges pieces straight off of the computer and i wont print that off, it will takes loads of ink.
 

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Well, long fluff and short fluff are really two completely different things. I write short because my inspiration generally peters out after awhile and I would end up with stories that are very exciting at the beginning and very bland at the end. Inquisitor, you should support new authors, not view them as competition- anyway, you seem to have something of a stranglehold on the full-lengh fiction market!
 

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Give the guy a break man, hes doing something because he wants to, he doesnt need a bunch of critics bashin him. I enjoy reading stories that other people write. if there creative enough give them credit, but dont bash his style just because your in your own opinion is better. I wouldnt mind him righting a story about BloodRite, and if anyone else thinks they can do a better job then help yourself and give it a try, we will see whos the best then!
 

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i agree with you blood god. anyone who wants yo write fluff should there is always someone who is willing to help you. like blood god he lets anyone use his army if they want to try to write fluff and you can use mine it doesnt bother me i think it is good for people to have chances writing fluff.

i prefer short fluff/stories personally but i have never really read full length fluff/stories. this is one of he reasons i like deciever but he has also got his own unique style which i like.

so use yours or someone elses army and the best advice i can think of (i dont write much fluff) is to just practise (how do you think gamesworkshop writers get so good) and soon you will be as good as the gamesworkshop writers.
 

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make up quotes like the ones in the 40k rule book there verry powerfull and direct e.g
one who knows nothing can understand nothing
and
There is so verry much to learn you understand so little
use quotes to give the reader a feeling of war make them feal like there in the war.
 
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