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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Transmission - Audio Broadcast from Primaris Psyker Aydrin Mallor [Aumet System] to Colonel Rufius Bradbeers of 23rd Macharian Warmongers [Belis Corona System]
++++++++Broadcasting on Omni-Encrypted Channels between Cruiser Thor's Retribution and Grand Cruiser Solar's Pride++++++

++++++++++++++++++++Begin Transmission++++++++++++++++++++


"I still to this day question that choice you made Rufius...

I understand your motives sir, I too listened to that Eldar, it's part in our survival must prove it was not simple trickery, but at the cost of such vast resources it may not have been worth our allegiance. A full half of all our regiments and a third of the Armoured Company is a major drop in our combat capabilities all for the scryings of some Xeno-Witch..."

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"Aydrin, as dogmatic as you may be, you must keep an open mind about our current situation, Farseer Y'Lliesth must be trusted, he is not akin to other Eldar. We are to play a role in saving millions of both Human and Eldar lives, the Imperials cannot see what is to come as the Eldar can. Our minds should be set free by our unity with the aliens, the doctrine of control has been broken, don't belittle the Eldar with your racial slurs."

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"I apologise, Colonel, but you must see how this affects us. Whilst the alien device allowed some of us to escape the Adeptus Astartes and the other Imperial forces, we are located in different sectors, to maximise our effectiveness we must unite before we continue toward the objective. I suggest we rendevous at Bren's World following a Warp-Jump."

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"Agreed, I shall prepare the crew for travel momentarily, how is the condition of your cohort?"

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"We are at reasonable capacity, sir. Whilst there was damage to several Hellhounds during our last hostile encounter, we will be resupplying and requisitioning equipment from Aumet III. Relatively few casualties, most noticable is several losses from Sgt Marlon's more experienced troops, we compensated for this by re-allocating our more experienced infantrymen into his squad and re-imbersing our depleted infantry squads with forces requisitioned from the Aumet III PDF. There has been a slight problem with introducing our newly developed ideas to the new recruits, but through explanation most of them were swayed. If we could have brought Commissars it would've been simpler, but as you know sir, their complete indoctrination is contradictory to our current objective."

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"Spoken like a true diplomat, Aydrin."

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"I aim to please Colonel."

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"What about Sgt Marlon, how is he holding up after the casualties in his squad?"

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"He's fine, death never really has bothered the man. His psyche reports are a little concerning, but then they've always been so."

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"Enough banter, Aydrin. Your orders are to brief the troops and rendevous at Bren's World. Bradbeers over and out."

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++++++++++++++++++End Transmission++++++++++++++++++++

Aydrin clicked the archaic switch to off and, sighing momentarily, snatched up the intercom and ordered "All personnel assemble in the hanger, now! New orders have come through." He slapped down his increasingly prominent nervous twitch in his right cheek and proceeded down towards the elevator to address his men.

"Prep the Warp drive for travel, Captain, set destination to Bren's World, I'll establish the Warp link after addressing the troops."

As the remnants of the Regiment stood before him, Aydrin realised fully the loss the unit had endured. Of the 300 men stood before him, 70 were veterans of the once noble regiment. The 23rd Macharian Warmongers had been part of the battlegroup tasked with minimising Renegade activity in 861.M41, successfully scattering the Chaos Warbands that had been cumulating there. They had assisted Krieg and Tallarn Regiments in purging the Drondii system of Ork activity in a long, costly campaign between 902.M41-909.M41, as well as being the spearhead fleet to break the clutch of Hive Fleet Medusa on Ultima Macharia. Experienced veterans aplenty were produced from these, with augmetics and stasis pods being used to sustain them in times of inactivity. A decorated Regiment now addressed as a group of Heretics thanks to two powerful words. Excommunicatum Traitoris. Mallor composed himself and narrated his instructions to the troops.

"We're relocating Gentlemen. Colonel Bradbeers has organised a rendevous in the system of Bren's World, somewhere you should all be familiar with. Since it's classified as a Deathworld, we should class the whole area as hostile. However, there are some isolated Imperial Forces there."

"Hopefully news of our 'Heresy'", mocked Aydrin, quote marks being made with his fingers as he spoke, "will not have made it's way to the Administorum yet, so we have time to gather our supplies and some reinforcements before we must complete the current objective."

"I hope not", exclaimed a Guardsman from the throng, "these last ones took some convincing, good thing I was there to show them reason on the back of my hand!"

"Enough of that, Sgt Marlon", derived Aydrin, "despite your confidence, even you can see that we will need more men to complete the task we have now been assigned."

"True", replied Marlon, "I do need volunteers to block those fracking Orks with."

"Sergeant, you need to learn to deflate that ego of yours before people star...."

Suddenly the red-alert klaxon sounded, blasting out like a wounded land-shark, and interrupting the disruption in command occuring in the hanger below.

"Heads up Commander", blurted the officer over the tannoy, "We've got hostile's heading on an intercept course to us!"

"Go ahead Captain", barked Aydrin, "What's the problem?"

"Ork Kill Cruiser, Commander", cried Turner, "Big sucker. It's making a beeline for us sir, we must take offensive action pronto."

At the sound of this, the experienced soldiers rushed out of the hanger, taking the express elevator to the combat deck.

"We don't have the ordnance to take out a ship that size Captain", replied Mallor, "Could we lose them in the Warp?"

"Too dangerous sir, they'll cripple us before we're halfway through the hole."

"That settles it then", he sighed, "Well, what are you waiting for? Man battle stations and prepare for evasive manoeuvres!"

---------------------------------------------

So, what do you guys think? I write things in my spare time, but this is the second piece of Fluff I've posted, despite the quantity I have of it. Was thinking, depending on the popular praise, to develop this fluff more, into a short story possibly. But first, how is it?
 

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It tickles my mind. so many question remain unanswered!
-What have the Eldar told that have made the regiment take such a drastic decision?
-How come they have't been obliterated yet. Being declare traitors.. what Xeno tech is aiding them?
and of course, how will they fight off the Orks? at what losses?

Basically:
Please do develop this further!

BR
 

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Interrogator-Chaplain
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ITs excellent thus far, but the questions raised are indeed many,looking forward for more.
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm working on it, I have an idea of the next scene with the Kill-Krooza, and of the Eldar's 'gift' to the regiment, but I'm catching up on College work at the moment, when it's done I'll work on my story development and get it up A.S.A.P. I won't give anything away though, most people don't like spoilers... Unless you PM me and work with me on it, I'm an ideas man, but they are sometimes quite unrefined... Good to know someone's interested though =) I'll try to speed up my production.

NMP
 

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How is the regiment able to travel between stars and resupply when they've been declared traitors? The Imperium sometimes keeps quiet about renegade Marines but never about mere Guardsmen. All the Navy has to do to kill them is secure the bulkheads and turn off the life support. Problem solved, minimal casualties, time for breakfast.

It's very unlikely a reputable regiment would wait long enough to hear a complete sentence from a Xeno psyker. Blackmail, maybe?
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
How is the regiment able to travel between stars and resupply when they've been declared traitors? The Imperium sometimes keeps quiet about renegade Marines but never about mere Guardsmen. All the Navy has to do to kill them is secure the bulkheads and turn off the life support. Problem solved, minimal casualties, time for breakfast.

It's very unlikely a reputable regiment would wait long enough to hear a complete sentence from a Xeno psyker. Blackmail, maybe?
The regiment was declared traitors after their actions with the Eldar (which i will explain further in the next couple of postings), and secured several navy ships with their help, but many of these were destroyed by the other Imperial forces during their escape, so the few ships they control are manned by either crew that were converted to the cause or were hastily trained prior to the association with the Eldar. The resupplying is able to happen easily, I would have thought, only for a certain length of time, as the message confirming the regiment as traitors would take ages to get out to other planets, Imperial Admin-style. After the message gets out it will be harder for the Macharian's to resupply, they'll be forced into deception and disguise. As for your ideas about the Eldar, the blackmail intrigues me, would the Eldar be forcing the regiment into performing actions they do not wish to expend Eldar lives over, or had he searched the strands of fate and discovered they will have a major part in the proceeding events, though the Eldar may or may not betray them in the end. I'll think about that, add a section where the command structure is captured and the Eldar explain the situation to them, I have yet to introduce Col. Bradbeer's narrative properly... Keep comments and criticisms coming people =)
NMP
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
For you patient people who have waited, I will post part 2 of the fluff by this Sunday. I'm really sorry for the wait, I've been really wanting to make solid progress but me being the idiot I am took English Literature, History and Philosophy for A-level, so getting progressively closer to exams has really limited the time I can spend on this. But, as I say, Sunday will give you guys something new to read =)
NMP
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
After a much too long wait, I can finally present you with something I am at least partially happy to call part 2 of "Remnants":


Aydrin rushed toward the bulkhead, into the starboard broadsides, followed by the dedicated veterans of the Warmongers 1st Regiment. The thunder of large, hefty boots echoed through the metallic corridors, reverberating around the hexagonal corridors of the Cruiser, culminating in a cacophonous dirge combined with the wailing sirens of the battle level alerts.

“So we’re setting up a perimeter through the bulkheads to respond to potential boarding actions I’d guess...?” coolly stated Sergeant Marlon, grabbing a shotgun from the weapon rack bolted tightly to the bulkhead wall and cocking it in a smooth, effortless motion.

“Yes, very impressive, you know basic military manoeuvres,” snapped Aydrin, “now if you’ll only perform your textbook knowledge of the Tactica Imperium, I can re-programme the Turbo-laser batteries to a more effective defensive perimeter.”

“What’s so wrong with the pre-programmed routes?” interjected Tank Commander Paxton, snatching up spare las-batteries for his carbine, “they’re there for precisely these situations!”

“The current perimeters won’t cripple and Ork ship three times our size sufficiently to allow us to make a warp-jump,” retorted Aydrin, matter-of-factly, “we cannot take any chances! I’m setting the broadside to target the weapon points on the ship, after th
ey’ve been silenced we can activate the haywire pulse.”

“We can’t just rely on this Xeno...” spurted Paxton, immediately silenced by a powerful glare thrown by the Psyker. He continued along with Sergeant Marlon’s squad into the elevator to the 12th level. Guardsmen milled about, spreading their already thin human resources into remnant squads, relying on the intervention of backup and auto-defences to repel any Orkish assaults. Aydrin muttered to himself, cursing this luck that of all sub-sectors of space there had to be Ork presence here.

“Turner, you’ve got to be on the ball with this one,” Mallor shouted down his vox unit, “If you screw this up we’re dead!”

The broadside batteries of Thor’s Retribution blazed into life as the enormous bulk of the Kill-Cruiser came plummeting through the void towards it, punching tank sized holes in the weapon stations of the hulking Ork ship. The relentless vacuum of space sucked hundreds of Orks out of their ship in the first minute of the firestorm. The awesome firepower of the Ork ship could not be contended with however, several massive projectiles rippling through the void shields of the ship. There were no less than 7 hull breaches, yet Captain Turner responded quickly, deadlocking the bulkheads to affected areas, minimising the damage to the ships interior. Despite this, the Retribution’s void shields took much of the incoming fire and dispersed it away from the ship. One by one, the Kill-Cruiser’s forward weapon batteries were silenced. However, the threat was not neutralised.

“Commander,” injected Turner into the mechanised drone of the Turbo-laser batteries, “there may be a slight problem... Several external shield generators have been destroyed, meaning we can no longer sustain a full shield whilst charging the haywire pulse. I should also inform you that on our current course it’s more than likely that the Kill-Cruiser is going to ram us. Even if we evade the ship their broadside batteries will tear us apart.”

“Frack it”, swore Aydrin, “Well then Turner, change course, fly under it!”

The titanic adamantium block of Thor’s Retribution began to slowly turn towards the Kill-Cruiser, firing up the ship’s secondary port-side retro-thrusters. Turner was sweating through his flight uniform. This manoeuvre was risky at the best of times, but against a speeding Ork vessel, the pilots of which would most likely revel in the anticipation of a ramming contest. He envisioned them colliding, Orkish voices cackling maniacally as the Warp-drive combusted and condemned them all to hellish confinement in the Immaterium. Shaking himself of these distressing thoughts, Turner grimaced, slowly but surely accelerating faster towards the hulking metal leviathan converging with them, head on.

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Mek-Boss Lugnutz howled with glee as he saw the Imperial Cruiser aligning its trajectory with their own, ramming the engines of Mork’s Mug-Smasha to full capacity. He hurriedly mashed buttons on several crude panels scattered over the bridge, attempting to turn off the main weapon batteries, much to the aggravation of self-proclaimed Warlord Dragskit.

“Wot da bloody ‘ell are you doin’, ya zoggin’ grot!?” exclaimed Dragskit, “Why you turnin’ da shootaz off?!”

“Calm down boss, I’z got an idea” retorted Lugnutz, “If we turnz off da gunz, den we can use da Grabba at da front of da ship, we’z can make sure’z dey won’tz get away.”

“Well den” blurted Dragskit, after a pause processing what these two statements meant together, “What are you waitin’ fur?! Get in close and use da Grabba!”

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Mallor accompanied Turner for these last moments, only he could use the eldritch technology gifted to them by the Farseer. His sight allowed him to see the situation in space, and was the best chance they had of surviving this. Turner then noticed the Ork guns had stopped firing.

“As we would expect” Aydrin stated, matter-of-factly, “Why would they spoil a kill at range when they could see it die first hand.”

Turner grunted, portraying his understanding, as he focussed his mind on external monitors. The bulk of the Kill-Cruiser, all encompassing, was gradually filling the screen. He realised at this moment that it was down to his intuition whether the guardsmen on this ship would live or die, over-judging the distance by a few seconds could end up with a catastrophic collision. Mallor’s role was also key, the use of the Haywire Pulse will prevent the Ork ship from adjusting its course to crush through the top of the Cruiser. The heat in the bridge was overwhelming, Turner’s pulse beating in the side of his head, a rhythmic drumming getting louder and louder, the convergence of these two titans getting closer and closer to fulfilment.

“Now!” screamed Turner at Aydrin, “Use the pulse now!”

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“WAAAGGH!” screamed Dragskit, as Lugnutz flipped the switch for the ‘Grabba’. The sizzling of electrical circuits over-rid all other senses, the crude Orkish technology expelling energy towards the prow of the Kill-Cruiser in a crackling roar.

“Errm, Boss...” murmured Lugnutz, “Da screen’s gone black... I can’t see’z any’fing”

“Did it work?” enquired Dragskit.

“Dunno Boss” he replied. They waited for a few irritated minutes, before a loud crushing sound echoed around the ship, followed by the thundering roar of thousands of Orks.

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A crushing sound echoed around the Thor’s Retribution, destroying the relative quiet of the ship.

“Status!” shouted Aydrin, “What damage have we taken?”

“Minimal sir” replied Turner, “it seems the cruiser broke off part of the external housing of the top engine, but nothing that’s going to prevent us from rendezvousing with the Colonel. The Orks will have drifted far enough without power to not be able to intercept us as we jump, even if they discover we've escaped.”

“Excellent” Aydrin exclaimed, “Right then, begin preparations for a Warp Jump.”

“Hate to burst your bubble Aydrin” blurted Sergeant Marlon over the vox system, “but your excellent manoeuvre allowed several Ork ships to board us, we’ve got a major situation on the upper-most deck!”

“Frack, we’ll be there momentarily” confirmed the Psyker, grabbing his force weapon from the wall rack and rushing toward the service elevator, “Turner, with me.”

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Right then, feedback appreciated as always, I wasn't sure about my description of the outer-space parts of this scene, but I went with my intuition. Enjoy! =)
NMP
 

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Thanks, I was afraid I was over-egging the military clichés, but if people enjoy it, it must not be that bad =P
Or we all really like military clichés :messed:

Great part once gain, must say that you've got a instinct I'm jealous of if that space part was "by feeling".
I assume and hope there's more to come?
A very small thing I'd change is this part:

“Dunno Boss” he replied. They waited for a few irritated minutes, before a loud crushing sound echoed around the ship, followed by the cheering of thousands of Orks.
Orks bellow war cries and curses, they don't cheer! Punnie 'Ummies Cheerz, We Orkz are to tuff teh cheer! WAAGH!'
I would persoally change it to something like this:
“Dunno Boss” he replied. They waited for a few irritated minutes, before a loud crushing sound echoed around the ship, followed by the thundering roar of thousands of Orks.
just my 5p

BR
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #14 · (Edited)
Great part once gain, must say that you've got a instinct I'm jealous of if that space part was "by feeling".
I assume and hope there's more to come?
Thanks buddy, good to hear praise for doing what I love. Also, thanks for the idea, it sounds stupid to say cheer now I think about it, as you said "Punnie 'Ummies Cheerz".

And yes, there is most definitely more to come. I plan to make my updates a bit more regular, that may be a bit shakey when I get to exams around May/June, but I will try my best. I'll give you guys a tiny spoiler as to what you might come across in the next few instalments, without actually giving a spoiler. As you can probably guess, there will be an epic corridor fight with a few hundred Orks, then they'll jump through the Warp to go and meet Colonel Bradbeers. There may be a shenanigan or two in the Warp, may not be, and then we shall truly introduce Bradbeers and start to answer the question that must be bugging everyone, why the hell have these Guardsmen deserted after words with a Farseer?
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Thanks buddy, good to hear praise for doing what I love. Also, thanks for the idea, it sounds stupid now I think about it, as you said "Punnie 'Ummies Cheerz".

And yes, there is most definitely more to come. I plan to make my updates a bit more regular, that may be a bit shakey when I get to exams around May/June, but I will try my best. I'll give you guys a tiny spoiler as to what you might come across in the next few instalments, without actually giving a spoiler. As you can probably guess, there will be an epic corridor fight with a few hundred Orks, then they'll jump through the Warp to go and meet Colonel Bradbeers. There may be a shenanigan or two in the Warp, may not be, and then we shall truly introduce Bradbeers and start to answer the question that must be bugging everyone, why the hell have these Guardsmen deserted after words with a Farseer?
NMP
I wouldn't call it stupid, we both basically said the exact same thing, I just suggested other words more fitting with Orks ;).
I for one cant wait to read more! If you ever need help with anything, you've got yourself a happy volunteer right here!

BR
 

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Poet of the Deed
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I like it, particularly the conversation between Bradbeers and Aydrin, it captures the way in which these two senior officers of the regiment interact very nicely indeed. Good luck with the A-Levels, out of curiosity (living in Winchester myself) which college are you studying at?

-Corrigan
 

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Poet of the Deed
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You do indeed get that across, in fact if you don't mind (obviously you don't have to if you don't want to) I'd appreciate some c&c on my own writing on the arts and lit subforum, since you seem to have the dialogue flowing very naturally.

Cool, I'm starting Symonds in September.

-Corrigan
 

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Oh No! Not Him Again!
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Funnily enough I was wondering whether there was anywhere on LO where I could put this when I get it to a sizeable length, under the title "Remnants", so thanks for alerting me about the Art and Lit subforum =) Also it'd be my pleasure to give you some c&c, anything to help a fellow writer out =)
NMP
 
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